McDonald’s, Gays, and Retarded Rightwing Christians

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An appropriate subtitle to this would be: Why boycotting McDonald’s won’t do a damn thing.

So, according to Fox, the ever fair and balanced network (yes, as fair and balanced as Hitler, bah!) a Christian Group is boycotting McDonald’s after they made a donation to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. How many people are boycotting thus far? Two-hundred thousand. Why won’t this matter one tiny bit? I give you the following quote from the McDonald’s website in their FAQ section:

Every day McDonald’s serves more than 47 million customers around the world.

That’s every day. Not every year, every month, every fortnight, or every week. That’s every single day. All 365 of them. That means McDonald’s serves roughly 17,155,000,000 people a year (not individuals, obviously). That also means that McDonald’s has likely sold enough french fries to alter the tides in the ocean. We should all be concerned.
Now, let’s just assume that all 200,000 of those on the boycott list keep up with it for the whole year. Heck, why don’t we give them the benefit of the doubt and say they manage to get 500,000 who can stick it out for a whole year, which I highly doubt will occur. McDonald’s will have lost a total of 182,500,000 customer sales. Sounds like a lot, right?
Not really. That’s actually minuscule. They’ll have lost probably a couple billion dollars, but you want to know how they can make it up? Charge one penny more on every item on the list. Yup. One penny. Most of us wouldn’t notice and almost all of us wouldn’t care. Heck, you could just charge a penny on things with a 9 on the end of the price, just so you can keep your precious dollar menu. Guess what? McDonald’s now earns almost 17 billion extra dollars assuming everyone buys one item not on the dollar menu.
And guess what? McDonald’s can shell out all the money they want without worrying about the wacko religious right not buying their products anymore. How long do you think you could live without a McDonald’s menu item, hmm? Guaranteed most of those boycotting won’t last more than six months.

So, having said all that, I can say with absolute certainty that absolutely nothing will come of this boycott except McDonald’s going “huh, we can just charge a penny more on the Big Mac and make up the difference…go figure.” Stick by your principles all you want, but you look like a homophobic moron, you smell like one too, and most of the country will walk by you and giggle cause you’ll have done absolutely nothing for your cause except prove that you’re a homophobic moron. But hey, if that’s what you’re shooting for, then more power to you. Everyone should be able to live their dream right? If you can be a homophobic moron then I can be an astronaut!


About the Author:

Shaun Duke is an aspiring writer, a reviewer, and an academic. He is currently a graduate student at the University of Florida studying science fiction, postcolonialism, posthumanism, and fantasy.

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