Okay, so my girlfriend and I have been discussing the opening paragraph of a new story I’ve been working on. She’s been mostly displeased with it because she doesn’t know what the engines actually are, and I’ve said that I shouldn’t have to say what the engines are or what they necessarily do in that opening paragraph. My argument is that it’s not really important at that moment. But we disagree on this whole thing, so I’m bringing it to the readers. Below you’ll find the paragraph as it currently stands. It’s not polished, so it may need some mild tweaking in my mind.
What do you think? Hate it or like it or neither? Comments?
The air grew silent as the steam engines became still in the sky. Chains held them as their massive turbines seized up; I watched them settle, the metallic roar of suspension bridges being pushed to their limits and the screams of workers, dozens of them, suddenly struck with the realization that their skyward employment had breathed its last breath. And all around me the voices of the many, their eyes peering to where the chains dug into the floating islands, shocked into curiosity, like cats roaming their mythical histories, rose up like a collective burst of terror, piercing the now dormant sky with their cries and hushed whispers.
Alright. That’s that.(Don’t click the read more, there isn’t any more after this!)