So, apparently my brain decided to give me a brilliant birthday present. During my pedagogy course, it made the decision to no longer function right at the moment when the professor called on me to give an answer. The sad thing is, the thing we were talking about, and what the professor was getting at, was precisely what I was most interested in discussing in our little groups. Heck, even the professor had come over and talked with us specifically on the topic he was questioning me on (somewhat), which made clear why he called on me. But, my brain refused to work. For a good thirty seconds (maybe more) I saw there flipping through pages, trying to collect my thoughts, and all that came out was a bumbling, nonsensical answer that I have since forgotten.
There’s something terrifying about yesterday’s events. It’s not often when my brain ceases to function. It either functions very well, or it functions at half-strength and I make little mistakes. This was not a little mistake; this was an embarrassing moment where I seemed to demonstrate to all but my group that I did not belong there. It also signaled to me that I might have an issue, perhaps due to stress or due to something otherwise. I’ve had a persistent memory issue for years and recently I’ve found it difficult to concentrate, to the point of even remembering what I read just moments before turning the page. I don’t know if this is due to stress, an unforeseen medical condition (ADHD or whatever), or just some problem with me on a personal level, but it’s dragging me down and causing these events.
Regardless of what is going on with me, I keep reliving that moment in class and have been, thus far, incapable of shaking it from my memory. It seems my memory works well when it wants to remember an event I’d rather forget.
Thank you for the happy birthday, brain. I appreciate it.