December 2007

World in the Satin Bag

Shaun’s Quick Steps to Surviving Zombies!

Yes, I realize there is a book on this subject, but I figure a nice, quick list can do some good here. After all, I’ve been planning my life around the creation of zombies for a long time. OK, that last bit isn’t really true, but I do think about it and I know what I’m going to do. So here are the steps: Arm yourself. The first thing you always do is arm yourself. Never walk anywhere, drive anywhere, or even fall down anywhere without a weapon. If you can’t find a gun in your immediate vicinity, get a large, heavy, blunt object (a sturdy golf club works, or even a towel hanger–bats, clubs, and the like work too). This is the precursor to everything else. You cannot survive zombies if you can’t defend yourself. Take all your nails, hammers, screwdrivers, screws, and any other relevant hardware, including rope. If you don’t have these things, steal them from next door. If they don’t have them, then you’re screwed. Sorry, you can’t even barricade yourself in your home without nails and a hammer. My advice is to hide and take a lot of sleeping pills so you don’t wake up. The zombies will get you eventually. Or, well, plan better next time. The biggest rule of all: regardless of the type of zombies you are dealing with, if you have to fight, hit them in the head. Always. Period. If you have a gun, DO NOT shoot them in the chest or the leg and think they will stop. No, go for the head. It saves bullets and energy. Get in your car and take your family and any living neighbors with you. This is crucial. If you want to survive, you need reliable people with you. If anyone you encounter is bitten, shoot them. This sounds cruel, but the infection travels through bites, exposure to infected blood, saliva, and yes, even other fluids–it’s an STD too. If you absolutely must take someone who is infected with you, keep a close eye on them and the second they die, or seem to have died, shoot them or hit them in the head. The first rule of surviving this is realizing that people who have become zombies are no longer the people you once knew. Your zombie mother is not your mother. It’s an evil demon using your mother as a carrier for its sickness. Once in your car and with those you trust who aren’t infected, drive and do not stop. Again, this sounds cruel, but one huge mistake you can do in your survival is stopping for people you don’t know. They could be infected, or stopping could ruin your ability to do the next steps. Go to a gun store or anywhere you think there will be guns. Gun stores are best because they carry a wide range of weapons and ammo. Take everything you can. Everyone should have a rifle, a sidearm, an extra sidearm, and then another sidearm, and ammo for all of them. Shotguns are good, high powered rifles are good, but basically anything that has the potential to break through a human skull works. Automatic weapons are best, if you can find them. You need more ammo than you do guns, so make sure you take more ammo than seems necessary. Leave the gun store and don’t linger. If zombies are about, you can’t risk sitting around shooting them. Get in your car and move. There is no time for revenge here. Find a supermarket. Steps 6 and 7 can be skipped if you have one of those super stores that has everything (i.e. Walmart). Take over the supermarket. Sweep the entire place, lock all the doors, clear out anyone inside that is infected or a zombie, and take it over. Barricade all the windows, doors, etc. If you think you had done a good job, you haven’t. Supermarkets have a lot of shelfs, metal, etc. All this should be used to get all those windows barricaded and the same goes for doors. Do it more than you think is necessary. Provisions. The hardest part. You’ve got yourself a supermarket. Congrats. But you’re not over the hump yet. Zombie infestations can last days, weeks, months, even years. You have to be prepared. First things first. Eat only produce and foods that require refrigeration first. Leave all the canned goods alone. You’ll need those canned goods. This is the time to have your last really good meals because, well, there’s a lot of food in there, and if the power goes out, well all that produce and meat goes bad. Enjoy it while you can. This might be the last bit of fresh food you’ll have for a while.While you’re enjoying this, find the second in the supermarket where there are seeds. A lot of supermarkets have potting soil and the like. Get all this and hoist up some stuff to help you plant things. Start planting anything and everything you can on the roof that is edible. Plant all of it and don’t screw up. Your life depends on it.Next, water. There is bound to be a lot of bottled stuff in a super market, but you can’t rely on that as a valid source, and fresh water is always better anyway. Find all the buckets, etc. and put them up on the roof where there is room. These will be used to catch rain water. They’ll be beneficial in the long run to provide fresh water to you when you need it.Congrats, if you’ve done all the above, you’re set! You can now survive. Just ration out the canned food and make sure everyone get only what they need and you’re good to go. The last thing is this: be prepared for other people to figure out where you are. Be prepared to face the harsh decision to turn people away, or to kill people who are infected. If someone shows up

World in the Satin Bag

My Grades For Fall 2007 at UCSC (so far)

In case anyone cares I thought I’d mentioned my grades thus far for last quarter. I’m just waiting in one more grade, which I think is a B or B+, or somewhere around there. Modern German Fiction w/ Theo Honnef: AIntro to Musical Drama (Opera) w/ Dan Seldon: A+(The + is actually meaningless unless you want to be “valid Victorian”, as I call it. Since I have no desire to be that I’m just glad it was an A) A note on both classes. I really enjoyed German Fiction. I’m keeping several of the books from it because I quite enjoyed them. Intro to Musical Drama really helped me develop a taste for opera. I’m quite fond of a few operas now and have actually seen a live opera, which was awesome. I learned quite a lot about the depth of the musical genre and even a little about the history of music and my sneaking suspicion that someone was behind the destruction of classical music, leading to the massive popularity of crap. Well, that’s a little harsh. There’s certainly so good older music, but you get the point. So just waiting on one more (Literary Interpretation). I’m rather surprised I did so well to be honest. The two courses I have been graded on are upper division, so to get such a high grade is a good thing. It really wasn’t all that challenging though. (Don’t click the read more, there isn’t any more after this!)

World in the Satin Bag

If Only Dinosaurs Were On Mars!

I found this at Futurismic and thought I’d share my excitement. Apparently an asteroid may strike Mars in January! Why is this a big deal? Well, remember the dinosaurs? Remember when scientists told us they probably died from a big impact from an asteroid or comet? Well, here’s a great chance for us to watch a large object strike a terrestrial planet! I’m hoping it will happen because this could bring about a whole slue of interesting images or videos–even more interesting than the Shoemaker-Levy 9 images here, here, and here. We might actually get to witness a significant impact on a relatively Earth-like planet (Mars is semi-Earthish, though it lacks liquid water and it is a bit different, but we could expect to gather quite a lot of info from this little red guy). You can read a bit more about the impact at this NASA article.Asteroid 2007 WD5 isn’t a very big fella (about 50 meters or 164 feet), but for a small planet like Mars it shouldn’t matter. It’ll still do a good bit of damage and leave us enjoying every second of it: We estimate such impacts occur on Mars every thousand years or so,” said Steve Chesley, a scientist at JPL. “If 2007 WD5 were to thump Mars on Jan. 30, we calculate it would hit at about 30,000 miles per hour and might create a crater more than half-a-mile wide. It’s a 1 in 75 chance. Those aren’t bad odds when you think about it. (Don’t click the read more, there isn’t any more after this!)

World in the Satin Bag

U.F.O.s: The Grand Misconception

While perusing the hilarity of creationist websites (if you need a good laugh, you should go there, because they are quite funny), I came upon something that has bothered me in the past: this preconceived notion that something that is called a U.F.O. has to be alien.    First off, the word stands for “Unidentified Flying Object”. Nothing in that forces it to be from another world. Anything that happens to be flying through the air that you cannot explain is a U.F.O. Meaning, if someone throws a plate and you see it and don’t realize it is a plate, then to you it is an unidentified flying object. Plus, it says “unidentified” the title. If you know it’s an alien spacecraft, then it’s not a U.F.O. anymore. It’s an alien spacecraft by your identification. U.F.O.s remain unidentified. That’s why we call them U.F.O.s. We don’t know what they are!    The sad thing is that if I were to go out and say “I saw a U.F.O. once”, people would automatically think I’m crazy or they would think I’m talking about aliens. I’ve never seen aliens and I’m not dense enough to automatically assume that something in the sky that I see and can’t explain is from another planet. There’s just no way to know whether something is alien without actually being told it is by the theoretical aliens inside, or actually studying the object to determine if it is. What really sucks about this notion is that any hope to have serious, legit, and well funded research into the unexplained is lost because the people who would be funding such a project are lambasted with news of aliens and little green men, rather than simply told “we don’t know what it is and we want to find out”. Maybe if more people approached it from a simple “we don’t know” approach we’d see more research into the bizarre things we see in the sky. Are they aliens or are they a government experiment, or neither? What if we found out they were weird visual anomalies left over from some previous human time when we were ruled, more or less, by fear?    So, the next time someone says “I saw a U.F.O.”, ask them if they mean aliens or if they mean something unexplained. Probably most of them will go with the alien side, but maybe you’d find someone that used the term for its original purpose. (Don’t click the read more, there isn’t any more after this!)

Book Reviews, World in the Satin Bag

Book Review Up: The Longevity Thesis

My review of The Longevity Thesis by Jennifer Rahn (Paperback; Kindle) is here. Take a look! Also, hopefully I will have an interview with Dana Copithorne up soon. I submitted the questions and am awaiting her responses. And, I may have an interview with Dave A. Law and Darin Park soon (they wrote The Complete Guide to Writing SF–Paperback; Kindle–which I reviewed here). In other news, I’ve updated my Amazon store with all the books I’ve read for school this year. I’m taking literature courses, so most of them are not text books, but actual books. So, check it out if you like! (Don’t click the read more, there isn’t any more after this!)

World in the Satin Bag

Readership Isn’t As Bad As You Think

I found this New Yorker article through SF Signal and I find that I have no choice but to make corrections on the article’s argument about the decline of readership in America. The article is trying to make it seem as though millions upon millions of people are just up and giving up on reading. The truth is, this is not really true. If anything, they’ve given you statistics that suggest that reading is simply at a standstill in this country rather than declining rapidly. The article is an example of why mathematics is so insanely important in the world. Take a statistics class, just an intro course, and you’ll immediately understand why all statistics such as the ones given in this article should be taken with a grain of salt and met with skepticism.First is this argument: In 1982, 56.9 per cent of Americans had read a work of creative literature in the previous twelve months. The proportion fell to fifty-four per cent in 1992, and to 46.7 per cent in 2002. The interesting thing about these statistics is that they don’t mention that there are significant changes in population between each of those years. So, I’ve gone and done the research they should have done and brought you the reality of these statistics:1982231,664,458 People x 56.9% (New Yorker) = 131,817,076 Readers1992254,994,517 People x 54% (New Yorker) = 137,697,039 (+6 million readers)2002290,000,000 People x 46.7% (New Yorker) = 135,430,000 (-2 million readers, + 4 million) What have we learned here? Well, those percentages suggest a big drop in readership, but really when you look at it, the drop is relatively insignificant. When you throw percentages out there people are inclined to look at them at face value, but when you actually do the research you learn the following: readership isn’t declining rapidly, but rather it is staying relatively stable, suggestive of a point in time in which the publishing industry and readers have hit a stalemate in production. You also learn here that the problem isn’t that readership is going away, it’s that it isn’t increasing likely due to a lack of new readers (children or perhaps adults who have come back to a time when they feel they could read). Fix those problems and you’ll see reading increase. You also have to take into account that these polls don’t reflect online reading. Newspapers aren’t dying. They are replacing themselves with online versions. It’s more convenient to read the paper online than to wait for the paperboy to deliver it. Books, I’m afraid, will eventually reach this point too. This saddens me because I happen to love books and think they are mankind’s greatest achievement (in conjunction with the written word). Sales also suggest that people are still buying a lot of books, which puts more reading material into homes (though they may not ever read it, but that’s besides the point). The next argument actually rings “bullhonky” to me. It says this: The Book Industry Study Group estimates that sales fell from 8.27 books per person in 2001 to 7.93 in 2006. According to the Department of Labor, American households spent an average of a hundred and sixty-three dollars on reading in 1995 and a hundred and twenty-six dollars in 2005. I looked up some figures to combat the first sentence (all my sources will be linked at the bottom of this). According to Bowker, 135,000 books were published in 2001, pulling in a whopping 24.564 billion dollars. Bowker also reports that 291,920 books were published in 2006 for a total of 35.7 billion. Now, if we do the math it doesn’t make any sense that people would be buying a smaller portion of books (not even a full point mind you) and sales would still be going up by 11 billion dollars. The only way this would make sense is if the cost of books were to go up astronomically. Since books haven’t increased more than a few dollars in the last 10 years, on average, and more books are being produced each year, it doesn’t make sense that people are buying fewer books. The statistics and sales refute this notion, unless I’m missing something. What would make this argument make sense is the following: what percentage of people actual buy books? Not read, buy. I buy a lot more books than I read simply because I don’t read 24/7 and there are plenty of people who buy little coffee table books and never pick them up. So, who actually buys them? From that I could actually see the correlation between average books per person and sales. If a whole lot of people are buying books, more so than in 2001, then it would make sense that sales might go up some. But that information is never given, so we’re left with a terribly skewed number.The next sentence says that American households spend a good portion less on books than they did before. What they’re suggesting is that we’re not buying more books. But that statistic doesn’t take into account the previous statistic or the rise in chain book stores and those infamous 3 for 2, buy one get one 50% off, etc. deals. If more people are buying books on a deal, well, then you’ll see a change in the amount of money spent.Now to where it contradicts itself. Okay, so from this bit we know that less books are being bought (not much less, but less), and we know that people are spending less money. None of this makes sense when you look at the sales. If sales have increased, and people are spending less, then that must mean that a lot more people are buying books. But if they’re spending less because they are buying through deals, then they also must be buying more books than the statistic is suggesting to make up for the reduction in price. The point is that this is mind boggling because the statistic answers no questions whatsoever.

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