Ten Things That Make Me Stop Reading
Hinging off Matt Staggs’ recent post on the same subject, I thought I would talk about what elements in a novel make me stop reading.I’m a notoriously picky reader, especially when it comes to novels. Some of my TAs at school have learned this, and others are probably oblivious, but when I’m not entertained by a book, it instantly becomes a chore and, thus, difficult for me to actually get through (sometimes I stop reading entirely, even though they are school books). Since I already have to read so many novels, I find myself largely becoming uninterested in books that don’t immediately grab me and, thus, I develop a more sophisticated (not necessarily better) taste in literature.Here are ten things that will almost always make me toss a book across the room: Unrealistic Sex ScenesI realize that the uber dork meeting an attractive woman and then having an all-night-romp of passionate, intense love making is appealing, but it’s also incredibly unrealistic and somewhat pathetic. What about nerves? What about guys who aren’t reincarnated sex machines? Most men aren’t super lovers who can go seven times in half a day (I’m looking at you, Greg Bear; that scene in Blood Music was absolutely absurd and seemed too much like a personal fantasy). Of course, most men won’t admit this, but that’s not the point. The point is that sex isn’t perfect. Not everyone who is inexperienced will magically be good at it. Most will suck. Let’s put some of that into our novels, please. The unrealistic inexperienced lanky guy who gives his partner five O-moments in one night is a bit, well, overused and easy to see as poorly disguised personal fantasy. Rape (Used Poorly)Any time when rape is used for shock value, I’m out. The same can be said for scenes following a rape in which the victim seems relatively un-phased. I don’t find rape entertaining; most people don’t. Rape should be put into a story to serve a purpose. This is why I couldn’t stand The Hills Have Eyes 2: the rape scene was there only to be shocking, not to develop a character in a certain way or drive the plot or anything (it was an opportunity to do something disgusting in order to make our skin crawl). I will drop books that do not address rape as an important and emotionally devastating thing. It’s no walk in the park and I want to see that in the writing. Violence For the Sake of Being ViolentI don’t mind blood and gore. But just as with rape, it has to have a purpose. If you’re just showing me limbs being chopped off because you like it, then I’m likely to drop the book. I want violence that takes itself seriously, that tries to convey a scene realistically and with logical consequences. If a character is involved in a war and manages to survive relatively unscathed after seeing all his friends get chopped to bits, how does he respond to that? If your answer is anything like “he goes off and dances to lively elven music while remarking how awesome the battle was,” then I’m out. Being Artistic For the Sake of Being ArtisticConsider this literary snobbery, if you like. I absolutely despise novels that try to do new things with language or story for the purpose of being artistic. The problem I have with a lot of literary fiction is that most of the people who write that stuff are so focused on the art form that they have forgotten how to tell a story. Literature is here to tell and show us stories. Novels that don’t give any attention to the story and all the attention to language and style are ones that eventually get dropped by me. Entertain me with your pretty language; don’t bore me to death. Laggy BeginningsIf it takes more than fifty pages for something to happen that is interesting, then I’m not likely to finish the book. In a 300-page novel, it’s not much to ask for a bit of action or something in the beginning, even if it’s something small. Set up a question or show me something crazy. Do something. You’ve got more space to get me interested in the rest of the book than you had with your editor. The ending shouldn’t be boring, period. Crappy WritingThis one is pretty obvious, right? I’m going to lob all forms of crappy writing in there: bad style, lots of spelling/grammar errors, poor plotting, etc. I don’t think I need to go beyond this except to say that how you tell a story is extremely important. If reading a work is like trying to decipher ancient hieroglyphics, then clearly whatever it is I’m reading doesn’t deserve to be published. Poor Science Played Off Like Legit ScienceI’m perfectly fine with letting slide things like faster-than-light travel, aliens that look human-ish, etc. What I don’t like is when a science fiction author writes a story filled with explanation about some “new” science that, in reality, is actually a load of absolute nonsense. If you want to write fantasy, then write fantasy. If you want to write hard SF, then stick with sciences we know. The one thing that non-hard SF writers do successfully is represent their “fantasy” tropes as just that: tropes. FTL for them is simply there, thus allowing them to focus on the story rather than trying to explain how their FTL works without violating the laws of the universe. Don’t explain to me how FTL works, just tell me it does and move on. Confusing Names and Other Bad Worldbuilding CrapNames need vowels. Fjfjcbvyx is not a name; it’s what happens when your cat runs over your keyboard. The thing that bothers me about some fantasy novels is the endless repetition of the unpronounceable name. This alone isn’t enough, though. There have to be a collection of worldbuilding-related things working together to get me to drop a novel. These include, but
Facebook: The ToS Adjustment That Violates Your Privacy
If you’re a Facebook user, you might be interested to know that they have recently changed their terms of service and didn’t tell you about it. This might not sound like a big deal, except it is. Why? Because Facebooks’ new ToS gives them full rights to all of your uploaded content, including, but not limited to, picture, notes, RSS feed information, and personal messages.The actually paragraph reads: You hereby grant Facebook an irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to (a) use, copy, publish, stream, store, retain, publicly perform or display, transmit, scan, reformat, modify, edit, frame, translate, excerpt, adapt, create derivative works and distribute (through multiple tiers), any User Content you (i) Post on or in connection with the Facebook Service or the promotion thereof subject only to your privacy settings or (ii) enable a user to Post, including by offering a Share Link on your website and (b) to use your name, likeness and image for any purpose, including commercial or advertising, each of (a) and (b) on or in connection with the Facebook Service or the promotion thereof. You represent and warrant that you have all rights and permissions to grant the foregoing licenses. Basically, they can use anything you put on Facebook for anything they want. And they no longer need your personal permission to do so. These are scary times…