Poll Results: Help Me Name My Fern
You voted (along with some folks on another website) and the results are finally in. And here they are: Dave — 5 (19.2%) Fred — 0 (0%) Salvador — 11 (42.3%) Fern — 4 (15.4%) Kiwi — 3 (11.5%) Charlie — 2 (7.7%) Bill — 0 (0%) Captain Adama — 1 (3.9%) You’ll notice that I truncated Salvador considerably from the original name. Why? Because Adam is insane and Salvador is a weird enough name for a plant anyway. So, my Boston fern is now named Salvador. And as if that weren’t enough, Salvador has been so kind as to grow some unexpected things in the last month, such as these wonderful heart-shaped leaves that I’m sure are Salvador’s attempt to communicate joy to me (you know, because I’m the one doing all the feeding here). Here’s a picture of those heart-shaped goodies:
Haul of Books 2010: Stuff For Me v.16
At some point in the last month or so, I won a whole bunch of books and a very unusual object. Imagine my surprise when I showed up at the front office of my apartment complex to find out that someone had sent me an enormous box of stuff that I didn’t order and didn’t know was coming. No, I didn’t acquire a zombie head in a cooler or a magic wand from a strange world dominated by giant blue monkeys. I acquired this (after the fold, I hope): It’s a set of Circleware bejeweled martini glasses. What am I going to use them for? No idea. I don’t drink martinis, but maybe I should start. And what about the books that came with it? Here they are: Here are the descriptions, from left to right, top to bottom (taken from Amazon): 1. Killer Blonde by Laura Levine A gal with a serious Ben & Jerry’s habit and credits including a tome entitled “I Was Henry Kissinger’s Sex Slave” can’t afford to be too picky about employment opportunities. So when Beverly Hills socialite Sue Ellen Kingsley offers Jaine megabucks to ghostwrite a book of hostess tips, it’s time to sharpen the #2s. So what if Jaine has to take dictation from a rail-thin lady of leisure in a bubble bath? Pride doesn’t feed the cat and the dubious side benefit of this particular job is an up-close, personal view of the amorous exploits of Hollywood’s ladies-who-lunch. The only bright spot is sixteen-year-old Heidi, a girl after Jaine’s own heart. Shy, overweight, and oppressed by her step-mother, Sue Ellen, Heidi could use a friend as much as Jaine could use an ally. But everything short circuits when Jaine finds Sue Ellen floating face down in her tub, fried by her own blow dryer. Peroxided suspects abound, including a very private masseuse, a jealous nurse, a former game show hostess…even a closet blonde with a surprising secret. One of them is hiding a murderous heart behind pricey highlights, and Jaine’s out to expose the killer’s dark roots. Because blondes have enough fun without getting away with murder… 2. This Pen for Hire by Laura Levine Jaine Austen is a hip, jack-of-all-trades writer who spends her days penning steamy personal ads. No one needs her help more than geeky Howard Murdoch, whom Jaine successfully sets up on a date. All goes well until Valentine’s Day, when Howard finds his new love has been bludgeoned to death. 3. The PMS Murder by Laura Levine On the frontlines of the battle of the bulge, otherwise known as trying on bathing suits in the communal dressing room at Loehmann’s, freelance writer Jaine Austen makes a new friend–a wannabe actress named Pam–and gets a new job: sprucing up Pam’s bare-bones resume. Their feeling of connection is mutual, so Pam invites Jaine to join The PMS Club-a women’s support group that meets once a week over guacamole and margaritas. But joining the club proves to be more a curse than a blessing for Jaine. Though she is warned that Rochelle, the hostess, makes a guacamole to die for, Jaine never takes the warning literally. Until another PMS member, Marybeth, drops dead over a mouthful of the green stuff after confessing she is having an affair with Rochelle’s husband. While Rochelle and her husband are the obvious suspects, everyone at that night’s meeting is under suspicion, including Jaine. So, instead of dishing dirt with The PMS Club, Jaine has to dig up dirt on the surviving members. And soon it becomes clear: someone in this club thinks getting away with murder should be a privilege of membership… 4. Shoes to Die For by Laura Levine Freelance writer Jaine Austen is not your typical Los Angelino. She’s not rich, she’s not thin, and she’s definitely not starstruck. She is a sarcastic, sometime-sleuth who’s never met a carb she didn’t like…or a mystery she couldn’t solve…If clothes make the man, then what do Jaine’s elastic-waist pants and T-shirts make her? A fashion nightmare, according to her neighbour, Lance. She doesn’t expect Lance – who works in the designer shoe department at Nieman Marcus – to understand…which is how she ends up visiting his favourite boutique, Passions. While the couture is definitely not for Jaine, the staff’s gossip is. Tiny orange-haired clerk Becky starts complaining about her co-worker Giselle – a.k.a. “Frenchie” – a brittle blonde who, when she’s not making fun of customers behind their backs, adds extra-marital notches to her Chanel belt. Though Jaine doesn’t land a new look, she does land a new job when Passions’ owner gives her a chance to write their new magazine ads. But when Jaine arrives the next morning to pitch her ideas, she finds Frenchie pitched over, stabbed in the neck by one of her own stilettos. Now all Jaine has to do is figure out who hated Frenchie the most, in a case of death by designer knock-off… 5. Killing Bridezilla by Laura Levine When writer-for-hire Jaine Austen signs on to script vows for the ultimate Bridezilla, “I do’s” soon become “I wish I hadn’t’s”–and curtains for the bride spell a veil of woes for Jaine… Jaine’s accepted her share of lame gigs to pay the bills, but rewriting Shakespeare’s got to be an all-time low. The fiasco begins with a call from Jaine’s high-school nemesis, uber rich uber witch Patti Devane. It seems Patti will soon be sashaying down the aisle with another former classmate from Hermosa High, and she’d like the exchange of vows to evoke Romeo and Juliet…except without the “downer” of an ending. Even worse than the assignment itself is dealing with Patti as a client. At least Jaine’s not alone, as nobody can stand the demanding, spoiled, and incredibly rude Bridezilla from Hell. Patti’s managed to rack up an amazingly long list of enemies in a short time, not the least of whom include her prospective mother-in-law, the soon-to-be ex-wife of Patti’s stolen soon-to-be groom, and