Movie Review Rant: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010; dir Jon Turtletaub) — A SFF Film Odyssey Review
Though not the first live-action remake of a Disney cartoon, 2010’s The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is part of what might be called Disney’s 1st Phase of Live Action Remakes, sitting right between the last of the Pirates of the Caribbean (At World’s End; 2007) trilogy films and the much more interesting Maleficent (2014). If this is a phase of live action remakes, then it is a loose one, with an unclear path — a test bed, if you will, since the previous remakes have mostly taken the form of almost faithful adaptations of existing stories (101 Dalmations in 1996 and Alice in Wonderland in 2010, for example) or adaptations of existing characters or rides: The Country Bears (2002), Pirates of the Caribbean (2003, 2006, and 2007), and The Haunted Mansion (2003). The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, along with Alice in Wonderland, appear to be “cusp” films, resting on the precipice of a second phase of live action remakes. Now, Disney has or plans to release a torrent of remakes or adaptations in what seems to be its second phase: Maleficent (2014), Cinderella (2015), Tomorrowland (2015), The Jungle Book (2016), Alice in Wonderland: Through the Looking Glass (2016; the sequel to Burton’s previous adaptation), Pete’s Dragon (2016), and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017). So how does The Sorcerer’s Apprentice measure up in this new “renaissance” of live action remakes or adaptations? Unfortunately, about as well as you’d expect: on par with The Haunted Mansion, a less-than-stellar film which probably shouldn’t have been made in the first place. Unlike Maleficent, which was flawed but thematically compelling, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is a muddled mess of an adaptation. Tonally inconsistent and obsessive in its need for grandiosity, this film is the mark of a studio that has yet to develop a clear path, which makes The Sorcerer’s Apprentice forgettable and mediocre at best. Let’s begin, shall we? The Plot(s)(s)(s)(s) The Sorcerer’s Apprentice isn’t exactly a torturous film; a better description might be painfully mediocre. The film opens by committing what I consider to be one of the Sins of Filmmaking: opening with a narrated prologue that turns out to be more interesting than the actual main narrative. Right from the start, we’re told that Merlin had three apprentices — Horvath, Balthazar, and Veronica — who vowed to maintain order against a sect of sorcerers known as Morganans — the followers of Morgana le Fey (Alice Krige), who decided, as evil people are wont to do, to destroy the entire world, presumably so she could remake it in her own image or something like that. The apprentices seem to have Morgana and her followers under control; that is until Horvath (Alfred Molina) decides to betray Merlin, allowing Morgana to murder the famous sorcerer and steal his power. In the final moments, Veronica (Monica Bellucci) casts a binding spell, merging her soul with Morgana’s and forcing Balthazar (Nicholas Cage) to entomb both within a nesting egg as part of a kind of stasis spell. With Merlin’s final breath, he tells Balthazar to find the Last Merlinian using his magic Merlinian-detecting dragon ring. Thus ends the first part of the narrated prologue. I kid you not. The first 5 minutes of this movie are spent telling us a story that would barely fit into a movie of its own. And there’s more. There are entire minutes of Balthazar wandering around the world for centuries in search of the Last Merlinian, all with someone (I assume Molina) narrating it for us. This is followed by our first introduction to our supposed main character, Dave (played initially by young Jake Cherry and later by Jay Baruchel), who lives in modern day Manhattan, has a crush on a girl, and can apparently wander off in the middle of a field trip with nobody immediately noticing — especially if he wanders off in search of his “do you like me, yes or no” note. Go figure. That paper magically flies into a mysterious shop, in which Balthazar lies in wait, ready to pounce like the predator that he has become. Dave is somehow convinced that he should stick around and let a weird creepy older man put a dragon-shaped thing in his hand. And then all hell breaks loose. Dave accidentally opens a giant nesting egg, which releases Horvath, who has, like others before him, been entombed for quite a while. There’s a wicked cool magic fight (seriously, the magic is pretty cool in this movie), Balthazar and Horvath are trapped in a weird gizmo, and Dave has a total freakout, only to be laughed at because that’s what happens when you try to tell people there are wizards and what not. That’s the end of stories two and three, by the way. There’s more. Yes. More. Finally, we get to grown up post-therapy Dave, who has somehow become a physics nerd cliche. Horvath and Balthazar are finally released from the giant weird urn that sucked them up in the first place, there’s yet another fight over Dave, who was the last person to see the remaining layers of the nesting egg, and finally, we get to the point: Dave is special McSpecial because he’s the Last Merlinian; Balthazar will teach him (because he actually needs Dave to fix the binding spell on Veronica and banish Morgana forever; I know, there’s a lot of shit here), and all of that has to take place while Horvath is having crazy fits of, well, crazy trying to either kill Dave, capture Dave, release Morgana while trying to kill Dave, or generally trying to hurt Dave somehow, but never actually doing it except in really small ways, because no movie villain would be complete without being utterly inept at the one job they were gifted to do: kill the “good” guys. Meanwhile, Dave has a crush on a girl from elementary school, and she’s suddenly back in his life, so he tries to date her and be super suave; oh, no, I’m totally bullshitting, because Dave spends the entire movie
Announcement: The Duke of Editing is Now Open for Business! Bring Your Grammars!
Some of you already knew this was coming, but you didn’t know the name of my new freelance editing business or the full extent of the shenanigans to be had now that I’m trying desperately to behave like a professional. But it has happened. As of this moment, The Duke of Editing is open for business. Please spread the word! On a related note: I would like to say thanks to the following folks, who were kind enough to offer their opinions before the launch: S.L. Huang Cecily Kane Josh Vogt Robert MacAnthony Louise Hughes and Nathan from Review Barn OK. Time to get back to work…
On the Hugo Awards “Best Fancast” Category: Eligibility, Vote Value, and the Unlikelihood of Change
Recently, I had a Twitter discussion* with Nerds of a Feather about the “Best Fancast” category for the Hugos.** Briefly, Nerds’ Hugo Nominations Draft Ballot contained several podcasts which I had thought weren’t eligible because of their association with a pro site (Tor.com). This discussion continued today with Justin Landon’s comments about nominations, which I’ll discuss farther down on the page. First, some factual bits and pieces: The Hugo Award categories page lists the following definition for Fancast: “Awarded for any non-professional audio- or video-casting with at least four (4) episodes that had at least one (1) episode released in the previous calendar year.” Most podcasts would be eligible for this category if not for the word “non-professional.” According to the Hugo rules, [the] definition of what is a “professional” publication is somewhat technical. A professional publication either (1) provided at least a quarter the income of any one person or, (2) was owned or published by any entity which provided at least a quarter the income of any of its staff and/or owner. Basically, this means that any podcast hosted by a professional publisher or a professional website is considered a “pro publication” even if the individual creating that podcast does not individually qualify in either category. Tor.com podcasts, in other words, appear to be ineligible. A lot of podcasts, in fact, are out, since they use sponsors that pay upfront or are funded by donations that go to pay staff, etc. There’s a reason for this, of course. The fan categories, as archaic as they might seem, are designed to preserve the space that separates strictly “fan” activities from the professional (i.e., paid work) activities on the other side. In principle, that’s fine, but in practice, it’s questionable. While fans are right to be concerned about the “invasion” of their space by professionals, the fancast category is already one where that is true anyway. Professionals are producing “fancasts.” And they are winning awards (or not, as the case may be). So the rules don’t actually prevent this, but they do prevent the “mega podcasts” (The Nerdist, etc.) from dipping into the fan well. And that sounds nice, except the writing of the rules also means legitimately “fannish” efforts are ignored simply because they are associated with non-fan entities. Tor.com podcasts are, I’d argue, fan endeavors, but they appear to be out of the running simply because Tor.com is a professional market. Other fannish podcasts may be excluded for similar reasons. This is almost like “guilt by association,” and it’s that unintentional thematic which rubs me — and others, I suspect — a little raw. But the rules are as they are. Their intent may be noble and their practice seriously flawed, but they will still affect the makeup of the upcoming final ballot anyway. This leads me to the next part: Change: A Beast That Bites Way Too Much Nerds and I had a long discussion about the need to correct the absurdity of the categories in the Hugos. I noted that we tried talking about this in 2013, but to little effect. The way the Hugos function on a “legislative” level are such that change is almost impossible, or just downright ugly. And you’re unlikely to make headway on creating a Pro and Fan Podcast category given that so many people in the Hugo voting pool literally want the Fancast category to die (or because getting involved requires an extraordinary amount of effort and patience, which most of us probably don’t have a lot of, to be honest). Yes, the Hugos need to be changed. They need better categories, updated language, and more inclusion. But to get there requires a lot of effort that I suspect most fans won’t put in, not because they don’t care about their favorite whatever, but because they’ll just go elsewhere when they realize how much easier it is to celebrate their favorite whatever in a space where their opinions aren’t routinely rejected. The people who want change tend to be from that younger generation or outside of traditional fandom, and short of the fluke that was LonCon3, they’re just not going to Worldcon or giving as many shits about the Hugos as those of us who have something invested in it (myself: a podcast). Exceptions, of course, exist. That creates a lot of tension. I spoke with someone at a con last year who lamented the disdain members of the older generation(s) have received from the younger generation — in general, undeserved. The notion that the older generation(s) should get out of dodge and make room for new ideas came up a number of times. I mentioned that the coin works the opposite way, too, a fact that becomes apparent when one looks at the 2013 Hugo Awards fiasco. But the tension that exists between these generations has produced a massive divide in which two fandoms with a lot to offer one another are frequently found doing the mystical game of avoidance (intentionally or otherwise). I noted as much at LonCon3 during a panel on conventions, because it seemed to me that older fandom were just not as engaged in the same spaces as younger fandom, sometimes because the two had decided they didn’t get along and shouldn’t bother. This is a critical mistake for the sf/f community, and it will have serious impacts on how the Hugos and any other traditional sf/f space develops over time. One cannot create respect for a tradition on the basis of having been static for so long; that creates resentment, not love. And in a rapidly evolving geek culture, it’s so much easier to discard those traditions for other spaces, ones where a newer fandom can get what it wants without compromise. Hopefully, we can see the potential for a cycle here. Your Vote Matters: Eligibility and Vote Value While I wish more people of the newer generations of fandom were interested in the management of the Hugos, I think it’s unlikely they will
I Have a Patreon Page: Show Me Your Love (Or Something Less Creepy)
It happened. I said I would do it, and so I have. I’ve created a Patreon page so you’ll all show me how much you really love me, but on a slightly more regular basis. There are “goals” I’d like to achieve — namely, being able to focus more on blogging about the things I love than spending time on things that stress me out. Ultimately, this is about being able to do more of the things I like doing and less of the things I don’t like doing, which comes down to what the folks who read this blog think about everything. In any case, this is just part one of a two-part journey to secretly switch careers while everybody is looking! If you like what I do on this blog, feel free to support my Patreon page. We’ll see how the year progresses 🙂
Blogging, Patreon, Life: Thinking About Things…Publicly!
I originally posted the following on Google+, but I decided to crosspost it here to get input from folks who are subscribed to this blog. Anywhoodles: So, Patreon. In the last week or so, I’ve been giving serious thought to using it, partly because my look back at my blogging work in 2014 made me realize how much attention has been diverted from it and partly because I know why so much of my attention has been diverted away from it: financially, I have to work more just to meet basic needs (which aren’t looking good this year, by the way — thanks to having a job which doesn’t provide dental!). So, last year, I taught more classes to cover expenses (and to make it so I could travel a little bit) and to get some things I really need (honestly, having a car has made a lot of things in my life a lot easier). So the blog got shoved back a bit. I had the podcasting thing. The blog could hold off. The closest thing I had to “funding” this kind of thing was my trip to London for Worldcon. But I actually like blogging. I like talking about sf/f movies and books. When I’m not worried about work or unexpected medical bills, I’m excited to talk about the things that I love. I just wish I could do more of that and less of the stuff that stresses me out. As such, I’ve been trying to figure out how I can correct this. To reduce my teaching load so I can spend more time doing what I find produces less stress. And right now, I’m seriously considering Patreon. Not just for blogging, but for podcasting, too (not The Skiffy and Fanty Show, though; different stuff). Creating content = yes, please. I suppose this is a kind of weird way to probe the folks who follow me on G+ on what they think of the idea. If using that could mean producing more content (on my blog, on my G+ — in blog or podcast form (or both)), would you consider supporting it? Or is this just a really bad idea?
2014 in Review (Stats, Data, Yikes): A Lax Year
I’m a bit late to the party here, but I figured since I set so many goals for myself this year, I should actually talk about what my 2014 looked like in terms of blogging. In brief: 2014 was not a particularly good year for me as a blogger, which isn’t actually a surprise. I’ve been a somewhat lax blogger for the past few years, in part because I’ve diverted so much of my attention to The Skiffy and Fanty Show and to Twitter conversations. There has also been a fair amount of burnout from time to time, particularly when the blogging community started to tank a few years back (it seems to have stabilized now). That said, looking at my statistics, it’s clear where my blog fell off the train in 2014, which gives me insight into how I might improve the blog in 2015. But in case you want the really long-winded version, here you go: The following charts and analyses were based on Google Analytics, which is not a totally accurate measurement, but the best option I have for detailed data (Blogger’s stats are actually better ones to look at, but they allow less fiddling, so I can’t get the depth I need). In 2014, my blog saw a 23.59% decrease in activity by comparison to 2013. In fact, 2013 was such a better year by comparison that even posts I wrote that year were more popular than posts written in 2014 by a 7% margin (more details below). By my own assessment, this has almost everything to do with the following: I spent considerably more time traveling last year than I had in 2013. Last year, I attended four conventions (ICFA, CONvergence, Worldcon/LonCon3, and World Fantasy Con); in 2013, I only attended two (ICFA and Worldcon/LonestarCon). One of last year’s conventions was the result of a fundraiser, which took up a lot of my time, so much so that I put most of my focus on the 2nd item on this list. Podcasting! The Skiffy and Fanty Show had what I hope was a banner year. We rolled out The World SF Tour, explored literature from a bunch of places outside of the U.S. (not as many as I would have liked), and we recorded and released more podcasts than we ever had before. Since most of the podcasting “work” is done by myself, that is a serious time commitment. Speculative Fiction 2014 became a thing. It involved an extraordinary amount of reading — as much, if not more, than the next item. Hugo Award Reading. I spent a good portion of the first few months of 2014 trying to catch up on short fiction so I could actually vote. Part of 2015 will be spent doing the same. Work. I have what I’d describe as three jobs — two that don’t pay very well and one that doesn’t pay at all. These include teaching at the University of Florida as a graduate student, adjuncting at Santa Fe College, and working on my PhD disseration (on Caribbean science fiction, as it turns out). In 2014, I prepped for, took, and passed my exams, which put me in the position of being able to actually write my dissertation. These were time consuming things… Combined, these elements diverted most of my attention away from the blog. This is no more apparent than in the number of blog posts I actually wrote. In 2013, I wrote (or released) 177 posts; in 2014, I released 115 — a 35.03% drop in production. Though my production rate dropped by a third, my general stats fell by less than a quarter, which I blame in part on what I released in 2013. To illustrate, a chart: Last year, posts from 2013 were 7% more popular than posts from 2014. There are a number of reasons this might be so: I responded to more controversies in 2013, including the SFWA Bulletin fiasco and the diversity is a selfie thing. I did not do so as much this year. One of my popular posts was a rant/review of Riddick. It is by far the most popular 2013 post on my blog which can be disentangled from link bots. Other super popular posts include a top 10 list of the best SF/F films since 2010 (at the time, that is) and a post on the vigilante in American Mythology. These posts consistently appeared in the top lists for most visited posts on my blog throughout 2014. I was just more interesting in 2013. It’s true…I had the Retro Nostalgia feature going, which was reasonably popular (one appears in the top 10 list below), and every feature I tried to start in 2014 fell flat due to time constraints, lack of interest (on my part or on my readers’ part), and lack of motivation. In fact, I would wager to guess that the above chart is a reflection of my blog’s “quality” or “interesting-ness” within certain years, with exception to the first two years of its existence, which were demonstrably terrible. Seriously, don’t read anything I wrote in 2006. Please. One thing that becomes apparent when I look at my stats is this: I should talk about movies more often, as that seems to be a consistent “hitter” for my blog, regardless of the quality of the movie. Whether I’m talking about a classic like Legend or a stinker like Riddick, sf/f movies seem to drive more traffic to the blog. Go figure. In terms of what was popular on my blog throughout 2014, I have provided the handy little chart below w/ the full list and links: Movie Review: Riddick (2013) (or, I’m Going to Mega Rant Now) (2013) Top 10 Overused Fantasy Cliches (2009) Top 10 Science Fiction and Fantasy Movies Since 2010 (Thus Far) (2013) Top 10 Science Fiction and Fantasy Anime Movies (2013) Top 10 Cats in Science Fiction and Fantasy (2009) Movie Review Rant : Catching Fire (2013) (2014) Adventures in Teaching Literature: David Henry Hwang and