A Top 10 of 2009 Christmas Shopping Guide
We’re at that time yet again. The year is coming to a close, there are only a handful of shopping days left, and you’re wondering what the heck to buy your science fiction or fantasy obsessed loved one. Well, I’ve got a few suggestions. Some of the following books were released in 2009, some weren’t, but all are excellent choices. Here are my top 10 picks for 2009: 10. Angel of Death by J. Robert KingOne of the creepiest serial killer books I’ve read primarily because it’s extremely supernatural in nature. I think this year has been one for the creepy, though, and if you’ve got someone who likes dark fiction, then Angel of Death would be a welcome addition to their collection.(I reviewed Angel of Death here.) 9. The Dragon Hunters by Paul GenesseIt’s got dragons, dwarves, wicked monsters, and a fairly well-developed world, all packed into an adventurous, action-packed book. Genesse is the poster-child of small press fantasy authors for good reason. He writes a darn good fantasy yarn. But, if you know your loved one doesn’t have the first book in the series (The Golden Cord), then you should grab that too.(I reviewed The Golden Cord here and The Dragon Hunters here.) 8. Britten and Brulightly by Hannah BerryI don’t review graphic novels very often, but charming detective mystery with a hint of the fantastic is a must have for all fans of visual forms of storytelling. The artwork is unique and the story is both typical and thrilling. Definitely a must for fans of any of the aforementioned genres.(I reviewed Britten and Brulightly here.) 7. The Road by Cormac McCarthyMcCarthy’s novel is probably a little too obvious considering the movie is officially here to terrify us with its post-apocalyptic imagery. What makes The Road stand out from other books in the same subgenre isn’t its story (one we’ve seen many times before, and in more elaborate form), but the feeling of the book as you read. It’s a big page-turner and would be suitable for just about anyone with a taste for powerful, thrilling fiction.(I reviewed The Road here.) 6. Terra Insegura by Edward WillettOne of the few science fiction novels I reviewed and loved this year, Willett’s sequel to Marseguro is exactly what science fiction needs: action, awesome ideas, and good characterization. No more good vs. bad plots. There’s so much grey in Willett’s book that it makes you really think about everything, from what occurred in the previous novel to what happens by the end. It’s absolutely a must for science fiction fans.(I reviewed Terra Insegura here and Marseguro here.) 5. Last Days by Brian EvensonYou know how I said that this year seems to be one of dark fiction? Well Last Days is no exception, and is probably one of the most twisted, yet enjoyable novels I’ve read this year. Last Days chronicles the exploits of a one-handed detective in a cult of amputees. It’s messed up in all the right ways, and an excellent gift for creeping out your loved ones.(I reviewed Last Days here.) 4. Kell’s Legend by Andy RemicPerhaps your loved one is more into the hardcore fantasy and you need to get something that will wet his or her Kill Bill-loving appetite. Well, look no further than Kell’s Legend, a no-holds-barred, twisted fantasy that would keep most Tarantino fans itching for me. Remic is…unrelenting. He’s almost a genius, if you want to get right down to it, and it would make a perfect gift.(I reviewed Kell’s Legend here.) 3. Mind Over Ship by David MarusekWhoever said that science fiction was out of ideas hasn’t been reading Marusek’s novels. If anyone is coming up with the SF goods, it’s this guy. Mind Over Ship is everything that science fiction should be and is brilliantly complex both in plot and world. Fans of high-concept SF will love this one for sure, and seasoned and new science fiction readers will get a lot out of it. It deserves to be in every science fiction collection!(I reviewed Mind Over Ship here.) 2. The Man Who Loved Books Too Much by Allison Hoover BartlettThis is the only non-fiction book on this list and it deserves to be here precisely because it is the most amazing non-fiction book about books that I’ve ever read. Oh, and it’s not so dull as to be just about books specifically, but about something much grander and more terrifying: book thefts. There’s a huge mystery element to this book and the deeper you get into the history of book thefts, the more the book starts to read like a murder mystery, only…with books. It’s an excellent choice for anyone with a love of books or a healthy appetite for crime.(I reviewed The Man Who Loved Books Too Much here.) 1. The House of the Stag by Kage BakerBy far the best fantasy book I have read in a while, this is a must have for any fantasy fan, and might even be suitable for those book lovers who have more “sophisticated” tastes. You can apply all sorts of fun buzzwords to The House of the Stag, such as postcolonialism, postmodernism, etc. It’s an amazing story with the kind of depth you don’t get in fantasy very often, and if you’ve got a loved one who is into fantasy or complicated tales about identity and myth, then this is an excellent choice, and I think this book should be on any fantasy essentials list out there.(I reviewed The House of the Stag here.) Honorable mentions:Stardust by Neil GaimanTechnically I read this in December of last year, which is why it’s not in the top ten. If you didn’t see the movie, then you should at least read the book. Gaiman has a knack for storytelling and Stardust is a perfect gift for anyone with a Gaiman fetish or an appetite for reworkings of classic themes. Survival By Storytelling, Issue One, edited by myself and Niyousha BastaniOkay, so I’m a
Funny Things About Grandfathers
I’ve never talked about some of my grandfather’s exploits on this blog, but one of the things you learn as a writer (or a wannabe writer, for that matter) is that your family, friends, and random acquaintances can act as fantastic inspiration. My grandfather has acted as quite the little inspiration bee in the last few years, and will continue to do so for many reasons. But there are some stories about my grandfather that I don’t think I can ever replicate in a fiction story. You know the saying, “Life is stranger than fiction”? That’s absolutely true of my grandfather at times. Here are just a few of those stories: Cub Scout CampingBack when I lived in Washington, my grandfather took my brother, sister, and I on a camping trip to all sorts of pretty places. The problem? Washington is wet almost year round. It’s either raining or the apocalypse has arrived and everything is burning to a crisp. Our trip happened to coincide with non-Biblical events, which makes for interesting camping. During a particularly wet trip we decided to stop and find a nice place to camp. Having set up all our tents, my grandfather set to making a fire. Matches, unfortunately, do little for turning soaked wood into toasty fire, so he decided to hunt down some kerosene. A little while later, he returned with a half-full container and poured all of it over the wood. The result was probably the first real-life mini-demonstration of a nuclear explosion my siblings and I will ever see. A big flame, a little mushroom cloud, and no standing fire. We gave up at that point and decided to settle in for the night. That’s when it started to pour. My grandfather, being the cub scout that he was, had put his tent, which he was sharing with my brother, at the bottom of an incline. Why? I don’t know. He just did. And at some point in the middle of the night we all heard the revving of our car’s engine. Apparently the rain had created a lovely puddle in the middle of the tent and my brother had secured all of the dry space, leaving my grandfather a freezing pond to sleep in. Eventually he had to get up and warm himself in the car. We didn’t camp outdoors after that. Stubborn DriverMany years ago my grandfather had some problems with his heart and had his driver’s license taken away for safety reasons. Anyone who knew my grandfather also knew that he was one of the most stubborn individuals ever. He gave up his license, alright, but he sure as heck didn’t give up his right to drive. He and I used to climb into this old hatchback (a Colt or something) and tear down the dirt road where he and my grandmother lived. We wouldn’t drive all the way into town, though. No. That would be too obvious. Instead, my grandfather would hide the car (very poorly, I might add) behind a small wall of blackberry bushes along the road, and then we’d walk the rest of the way. It was clear that he didn’t want to walk up and down the blasted hill. Some time later I learned that pretty much everyone knew what he was up to (Placerville is a small town). Looking back, it seems somewhat ridiculous that he was so secretive about the whole thing. Everyone knew, including my grandmother, and nobody did anything about it. Of course, I was a little young and didn’t know any better at the time. I kept the secret for a while, though, because I’m like that. Secretive and stuff. Hanging GrandsonsThere were other events following my grandfather’s early heart problems, but none put my life on the line like his desire to have me help re-paint the house. You see, my grandfather was kind of a “do it yourself” guy, but since he couldn’t reach certain parts of the house with his ladder he needed a way to finish the job. That’s where I come in. My grandfather’s brilliant post-stroke plan was to climb to the roof through a ceiling window and dangle me over the side of the house by a rope, without a mask for the paint sprayer and held only by a post-stroke grandpa. Yup. I’m not sure how I weaseled my way out of it, but he was quite adamant about putting me over the side of the house. Thankfully it didn’t happen. The MonkeyWhen my grandfather and grandmother got married, they went on the kind of honeymoon that most people only dream of these days, visiting places like Egypt and others. At some point in the trip they arrived in a place where the locals had a special delicacy that most Americans (and my grandfather was the old rancher-type) would find…let’s just say strange. But my grandfather, as I’ve said before, was a stubborn mule. Wanting, I presume, to respect local culture, he almost demanded to be served the delicacy, all while my grandmother tried to explain to him that it was not a good idea, at all. Eventually, however, my grandfather won out, as he usually did, and the locals brought before him a remarkable gift: a monkey head with monkey brain soup inside. I’m told that my grandfather turned a shade of white that doesn’t currently exist in the human makeup. And no, he didn’t learn his lesson, as the last story will illustrate. The CurseNever cross my grandmother. Ever. If you do, you’ll pay the consequences. Trust me. My grandfather never learned that, but he did help to make a funny story about the power of grandmother’s to use subtle magic. At some point in the past my grandfather had a little sailboat. It wasn’t anything special, but it brought him some joy, I assume. One day he discovered a jar of money my grandma had been saving to buy a dress or nice drapes or something (I
Top 7 Movies That Were Better Than the Books
I have a feeling I’m going to get some serious disagreement on a few of these, and that’s fine with me. The reality is that sometimes movies are better than the books they are based on. The following seven are my choices: The Silence of the Lambs (The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris)I could never get into Harris’ writing. I tried and found myself completely uninterested. The movie, however, is amazing for reasons that have nothing to do with the book. Anthony Hopkins is so creepy in this it’s hard not to think of him as Hannibal whenever you see him elsewhere. The movie does so much for the horror/thriller than many other films have failed so miserably at for decades. The book, I’m afraid, never created the same feeling for me. The Muppet Christmas Carol (A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens)I have nothing against Dickens, but if you’re going to try to recreate the old Brit’s fantastic Christmas story in a musical, puppet-laden, goody for the kids, then you have to use Muppets. This movie has always had a special place in my heart, and the book can never do that for me. Singing Muppets and a very scroogey Michael Caine make this one simply a classic. And yes, I know it’s ridiculous and corny. I don’t care. The 13th Warrior (Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton)There’s something about that book that is both fascinating and boring as hell. The audiobook didn’t help alleviate this either. But, Antonio Banderas and some adequate looking northmen make for an action-packed fantasy yarn. The book? It’s kind of like trying to read Lord of the Rings now that the movies have been made to glorious effect. Which brings us to… The Lord of the Rings (The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien)Look, Tolkien was a genius. I’m not denying that and nobody should. He did something that nobody has ever successfully replicated and he deserves all the credit for it. But the man could not write an engaging paragraph to save his life. His prose is so utterly stilted and almost purple that trying to read Tolkien is like trying to have a calm conversation with someone while being melted in a vat of molten metal: it’s just damned painful. The movies? Gorgeous and brilliant in ways that defy logic. The films should have failed. Peter Jackson and the rest of his crew were taking on something that almost everyone agreed could not be filmed. And they did it. Not only adequately, but bloody well. They created a trilogy of classic films that took all the ugly fat out of Tolkien’s novels and thickened up forgotten plots to create an astonishing visual masterpiece. The movies are just so good. Like really good cake. The Minority Report (The Minority Report by Philip K. Dick)I’m a huge PKD fan. I love his novels, but his shorts, often, lack something. I think much of PKD’s brilliance is found in his longer works, so when filmmakers took The Minority Report and expanded it into a feature film, I was pleasantly surprised. The original story isn’t bad, but the movie is a fine example of excellent science fiction and Spielberg-ian flare. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams)I’m probably going to catch hell for this one, but the recent adaptation of Douglas’ series is, in my opinion, far better than the books. I like Douglas, and he is quite funny, but the man had no concept of comedic timing. His jokes tend to run into each other endlessly until you forget what the hell he was talking about at the start. The movie, however, took all of that, and cut away until the visuals matched the words and most of the good jokes were still present. It was not a perfect movie, and I certainly have reservations about some of the cast, but, come on, at least the damned movie didn’t get lost in endless jokes without anything happening for ten pages! Jurassic Park (Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton)Poor Michael Crichton. He’s not a bad writer, but sometimes the movie versions are simply better. In the case of Jurassic Park, the movie managed to trim the fat in much the same way as the adaptation of Douglas’ series did. The book isn’t bad at all, but the movie manages to keep a tighter pace and create a kind of terror that the books never could for me (the movie scared the hell out of me when I was a kid, by the way). And there you have it! Send your hate mail to arconna[at]yahoo[dot]com. Or, just leave a very nasty comment on this page! Suggestions and opinions are welcome too. What movies did you see that were better than the book, and why?
5 Ways to Explain Scifi Obsession to Friends
We all have that one friend who doesn’t get science fiction. Some of us have probably gone through the annoying experience of trying to explain it and realized how futile such a thing really is. But maybe we’ve failed because we haven’t bothered to try one of the following five options: –I’m an Alien!Look, your friends already think you’re insane for having Star Wars figurines lining your walls or stacks of science fiction books filling up your shelves. What harm could it do to take that insanity to the next level? Explain that your love for the genre is due to a long lost urge to reclaim the glory of your former galactic empire! At least there might be something strangely normal about saying that (especially if you’re British). –Theater BirthMaybe they’d understand you if they thought you had been born during the opening credits of Star Wars, or shared a birthday with twelve of the greatest science fiction writers of all time (thanks to some clever quasi-time-travel handiwork). Heck, you could even tell them your first word was a Wookie war cry thanks to a year of clever brainwashing by your scifi-crazed parents, in which you were exposed, twenty-four hours a day, to non-stop scifi goodies. Your friends will understand. Really. –Speculative PrescriptionThere’s nothing like explaining away one level of “crazy” than by claiming you’re crazy in a different way, and that your new crazy is medication. There are all sorts of weird treatments out there, and it wouldn’t be that difficult to accept that some radical psychiatrist out there wants to treat your mental defects with a bit of spaceship-and-explosions-laced fun. If you really wanted to, you could cook up some fake prescription notices to your local Blockbuster. Might be fun… –Only Wimps Get OldSome people see science fiction obsession as a sort of desperation to remain a child. After all, it’s all escapist garbage, right? And you should just grow up and be like everyone else. I mean, come on, being into science fiction is like being a forty-year-old fat man with a beard hanging out at an Anime convention; it happens, but it’s just not natural…But screw that. Tell them you don’t want to grow up. You’re a Toys’R’Us kid, or something like that, and you’ll be damned if you’ll throw away all your fun for a suit, a tie, and a mediocre cubicle in the 9-to-5 grind. Science fiction is about life (and liberty, and the pursuit of happiness)! You’re seizing the day, as the ancients used to say. –The Economy Needs Lovin’ TooStill, there’s nothing like explaining to your friends just how important science fiction is to the economy. Just show them the sales figures of the last ten years of science fiction film in the U.S. and you’ll have ample evidence as to why the genre makes the world go round. And that’s not including books, action figures, collectible cards, board games, pajamas, t-shirts, food products, and novelty bedroom attire for the ladies (nothing like a little Spidey lingerie, eh?). Without sciffy nuts like you, the sales industry would be a damned boring place. And don’t forget to mention all the advances in technology thanks to science fiction: everything from new ways to make films to new technologies and ideas that make our lives easier. Plus, our current President is a sciffy fan, and if it’s good enough for the President, it’s good enough for you, right? But maybe all these options are a little too over-the-top for you. You can stick with the same old boring answers if you want, but these five suggestions might spice things up a bit. If you’ve ever tried anything like this, let me know in the comments. I’d like to know the different ways you folks have tried to explain your obsessions to your friends, science fiction-based or not!
Ten Things No Writer Should Ever Do
There are a lot of things writers shouldn’t do, but there are some things that a writer really shouldn’t do. Here is a list of ten things no writer should ever do: Send a long-winded biography not limited to your writing career.Not only do we (editors) not give a crap, but your query letter or cover letter should be short and sweet, telling us only the things we need to know to assess your manuscript. Most editors don’t even need a cover letter, but a good story is a good story, regardless of where someone was published or not published before. Sometimes a quirky fact about yourself is cute, but beyond that, we just don’t care about your life story! Send files in formats not specified.If the guidelines say send your submission in .doc or .rtf form, then send it in .doc or .rtf form. More than likely, the editors can’t open other file types, or have no clue what those others are. I’ve received everything from .docx to .odt to .pages, the latter two of which are for programs I don’t even have on my computer. If it can’t be opened, it can’t be read! Demand to be paid in a form that isn’t specified in the guidelines.Generally speaking, if the guidelines say “paypal only,” that means “paypal only.” But sure, demand to be paid by Western Union (or whatever it’s called now). Coincidentally, the person who demanded this also told us she was a forty plus year old woman, and our guidelines specifically stated that twenty-five was the cap. What can you do? Argue about a decision.If we don’t want your submission, arguing with us about it isn’t going to change our minds. In fact, it might make us turn to disliking you. Take a rejection like a man…or a woman. It’s part of the writing life. Forget to attach your submission.Okay, so this one isn’t as bad as the others, but it’s a silly mistake that you really shouldn’t do, for obvious reasons. Usually we laugh about it, but after a while it gets tiresome to send the same email out over and over. Send an insulting email.Something about someone emailing you to tell you that you’re a scumbag for rejecting their submission and that you should burn in hell forever is truly uplifting. People still do this, and it puzzles me why. I thought the object of submitting was to get published. How does one expect to do that if he or she insults everyone who rejects them? Stalk someone and post hateful comments on their email.Remember that Cole A. Adams incident? Don’t do that. Seriously. It’s bad news for you and anyone around you. It’s also a good example of career suicide, and if you can’t help yourself, then seek psychiatric help. They have pills for that kind of thing. Send dead animals to a publisher or editor.According to a rather epic story, Harlan Ellison did something like this. But Harlan Ellison got away with it because he was/is Harlan Ellison. Nowadays, I don’t think even J. K. Rowling could get away with that. This applies to any sort of shipment of illegal or unorthodox items to a publisher or editor, including, but not limited to, razor blades, pipe bombs, letter bombs, bricks, cocaine, marijuana, poison food items, anthrax, and rotten fruit. Tell someone about your criminal convictions or crimes you’ve committed and have yet to get caught for.I suppose this one would fit on a list of stupid things people do in general, but there’s really nothing stupider than admitting to someone who might be inclined to publish your story for kids that you are a convicted pedophile. Honestly. It’s also not a good idea to tell an editor that you killed a man once and never served any time. That’s not information editors want to be burdened with. If you must confess, do so with a police officer. I’m sure they’d be more than happy to help relieve your burden. Plagiarize.This is the big no-no, and no matter how many times people say don’t do it, there is always someone willing to take the risk. Sometimes they can get away with it, and others times not, but when you consider what happens to you if you don’t get away with it, why would you ever take the risk? I don’t know about you, but I’m not particularly fond of hefty fees or jail time. I like eating and my apartment is cozy… What about you? What do you think are some things that writers shouldn’t do? Let me know in the comments!
SF/F Link: End of August Catchup!
No need for introductions, except this one. It’s time to dive right in: The Independent lists the 100 favorite fictional characters, as chosen by literary luminaries. It’s an interesting list, if not a little flawed. Imagination Investigation gives us the Reader Contract. Ignore the bit at the end about God and what not, but the rest of it is really interesting. These are really what readers expect. Polenth talks about names in a multicultural world. Some interesting points and observations made there. Here’s a list of the 500 greatest books for teens. Huge list. I’ve read a few on it, but…it’s a huge list. And how about this? 50 resources that will improve your writing. Might be useful, right? There’s also a similar list for resources that will revolutionize your note-taking (or anything close to note-taking, at least). If you’re a Thomas Pynchon nut, like me (though I can’t explain why), then you might find this list of articles by, about, and of interest to him rather, well, interesting! According to the USA Today, one in four people read zero books last year. That’s not as bad as it could be. That’s technically an improvement! Dear Author lists ten online promotional don’ts for writers. Good stuff! Damsels in Regress talks about time travel. Informative and somewhat different than normal talks on this subject. Natania Barron has a few requests from the fantasy genre. Good requests too. Futurismic mentioned a long time ago that stem-cell contacts can restore eyesight. That’s right. Stem-cell research works. We should all dance now. And there we go! Enjoy!