Larry’s Silly Survey of Silly
Over at OF Blog of the Fallen, Larry has put up a bunch of seemingly random and bizarre questions for folks to answer. The following are my equally silly responses: 1. Do you believe that global warming could be ameliorated if there were more pirates in the world? Unfortunately, no. Because pirates have a tendency to burn things — such as boats and makeshift cigarettes and small coastal towns ripe for the picking — they contribute at least 50 times the amount of atmospheric pollutants as all volcanoes combined. In truth, to stop global warming, we would have to systematically hunt down and imprison all pirates. I’m told the Federated League of Ninjas is waiting for the call… 2. What is the last book you read and would you recommend it to a hobo who likes to speak in alliterations? Libidinal Economy by Jean-Francois Lyotard. And, no, I would not recommend it to an alliterating hobo, as to do so would constitute a violation of the Violence Against Hobos Act of 1996. 3. Which cartoon group, the Smurfs or the Care Bears, would most likely be condemned by “family” groups today? The Smurfs, obviously. They look and act suspiciously like immigrants, and they’re always pestering Gargamel, who is nothing less than an honest businessman. 4. Should there be more catfights among SF Fandom and/or authors? Yes. In fact, I think SF needs to announce a state of emergency and immediately start an internal war to cull the unworthy from its masses. There are too many people in this community who shouldn’t be here; we should do what we can to get rid of them, just like the Smurfs. 5. When I finally decide to post a photo of myself here, should I go with a beret or just merely a scarf wrapped around my neck in a diffident manner? Oh, Larry, you should always go for a beret. It is appropriately pretentious and, as the Internet has taught me, it makes it easy for people to dismiss you as nothing more than a Condescending Liberal Grad Student (even though you are nothing of the sort). Or you could go for a scarf if you just want people to think you drink coffee… 6. Does book porn make you think inappropriate literary thoughts? Yes. I’m currently on trial for indecent acts with a book or book-like object. This is the result of excessive amounts of images of book covers and people’s book collections, which are available all over the net… Make sure to check your local laws to avoid landing you in prison for overlying enjoying book porn. 7. If you have a Twitter account, how many literate squirrels do you follow on there? That I’m allowed to tell you about? One. But there are many others who wish to remain anonymous. They work for the Ministry of Knowledge in the central government of Squirreltopia. To tell you their names would jeopardize their missions… 8. Which genre of books should I review more often: pirates, westerns, ninjas, squirrels, Shatner? Shatner ninjas. Duh! 9. If you could get me to ask any question to any author, what would be the most inappropriate question that would come to mind and to which author would you want that question addressed? To China Mieville: “Have you ever considered writing Hentai?” 10. What was the best book that you ever read and ended up kicking across a room? I don’t kick books. I molest them and occasionally sniff their pages, but I believe it a sin to physically harm books. You can psychologically damage them, though. 11. What is more erotic, the sound of pages turning or the smell of an old book’s binding? The latter. But I’m weird. As previously mentioned, I sniff books. I sniff books a lot… That is all.
Top 5 SF/F Shows I Wish Weren’t Cancelled
Too many TV shows have come and gone. Some of them never should have been killed. These are the five I wish hadn’t been cancelled. In no particular order: Firefly (2002-2003) Need I explain why? Browncoats are everywhere. They are one. They are vocal. They are legion. And if they all had $10,000,000,000,000, they’d bring back Firefly in a heartbeat. For 10,000 seasons. They’d probably clone Nathan Fillion and the rest of the cast just to keep it all going. You know I speak the truth. But in all seriousness, who didn’t love Firefly? To be fair, I didn’t get to watch the show on TV. I came to it through the DVDs after hearing all the hype. And now I regret not having added myself to the ratings. It’s such an endearing show with a wonderful cast of characters. With a lot of potential! But it’s gone, and now we have to dream about what might have been… The Dresden Files (2007) I know fans of the books didn’t care for this show, but I never had that experience. There was nothing to ruin for me when Syfy put this show on the air. And you know what? When you throw out the adaptation aspect, it’s really not a terrible show. Sure, some of the episodes are a little crummy, and there’s a clear tug-of-war between making all the episodes connected to a larger story and keeping the anthology format. But the best episodes are really good, and the cast is, for the most part, well chosen (I personally liked Paul Blackthorne as Dresden and Terrence Mann as Bob). Given a second season, it might have grown into something akin to Castle, but with weird critters and what not. One day… Earth 2 (1994-1995) Let’s get one thing straight: this is not a perfect show by any stretch of the imagination. There’s a hell of a lot of weirdness going on from the first episode to the last, and some of the characters and acting are a little on the silly side. But the concept is fantastic. Maybe a reboot would be a good idea. Maybe not. It was good… After all, it has Tim Curry as a villain (win), a ragtag group of survivors living on a world with weird people (sounds like Outcasts, no?), and a decent soundtrack and visual design. Considering all the things that usually go wrong in SF TV, this show had a lot of potential. And then they killed it… Alien Nation (1988-1989) You remember this show, right? Aliens get dropped off on Earth and are integrated into the Los Angeles populace. Discrimination ensues. District 9 will ring some bells. Yet Alien Nation was a very American affair. Where District 9 was an allegory for the refugee situation in Africa, Alien Nation was about the Civil Rights Movement, anti-immigration, and all the stuff tied into that at home. And it was brilliant, in part because it didn’t just take a bunch of people, put some alien makeup on them, and stick them in hairy situations. No. Alien Nation asked us to consider how discrimination leads to criminalization, how relationships with humans (platonic and romantic) would work, and the politics of a world hell bent on protecting human interests. Plus, my grandma loved it, and if she likes it, it’s good. Trust me. Outcasts (2010) This show should sound familiar. That’s because I mentioned it above and because it really does share a lineage with ————————————————- What would you add to the list and why?
Top 7 Science Fiction and Fantasy Musicals
I love musicals. And I’m sure some of you love them too. If you need a pick-me-up, sometimes a musical is just the right thing. These are what I consider to be the best SF/F musicals, selected by a jury of 5,000 Americans kept in an underground bunker for six weeks (part of the previous sentence is untrue — also, the following are not in any particular order): Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog Neil Patrick Harris + Nathan Fillion + Felicia Day + Simon Helberg = one of the best musicals ever made. Need I say more? Urinetown I saw a community college rendition of Urinetown a few years ago with my grandma and fell in love with it. The humor is spot on and I find the socio-political theme interesting (tempted to teach this musical one day, actually). I’ve included the show the cast put on at the Tony Awards, but you should also look up “Act 1 Finale,” which is one of my favorite tunes. Wicked Perhaps one of the best fantasy musicals out there, Wicked is, in my opinion, a tour de force. Based on the book of the same name by Gregory MaGuire, it tells the story of the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz. A wonderful story rendered into an absolutely gorgeous musical. Spamalot You remember Monty Python and the Holy Grail, right? Well, this is the musical version, more or less. Originally starring Tim Curry, Spamalot gave us all the laughs and silly adventure that made the movie so great. Plus, the songs are fantastic. Sara Ramirez is amazing! Chitty Chitty Bang Bang This is my childhood. Watching Dick Van Dyke flying around in a car while singing entertained me for hours. It’s an adorable movie! The Rocky Horror Picture Show It’s a classic. Also: Tim Curry again. Love everything that man is in… Nothing left to be said except this: let’s do the time warp again! You know the moves… Little Shop of Horrors Giant man-eating plant monster? Rick Moranis? Stunning puppets and fun semi-50s musical soundtrack? Check, check, and check! I love this musical for so many reasons, but most of all because it’s so damned twisted and weird. And whoever made that green mother was brilliant. You wouldn’t expect them to pull something off of such quality back then, but they did it. ———————————————What about your favorites? What would you add to this list?
Top 5 Science Fiction Mothers (in Film)
In celebration of Mother’s Day, I offer to you all my favorite science fiction mothers. There are a few lists of mothers in science fiction, but this will be one of the only lists that narrows things down specifically to heroines who are also mothers (of which there are very few) and who can be found in fim. I gave myself a few rules for the selection process: Heroine will be defined as a woman who achieves (or attempts to achieve) physical or intellectual goals either as an equal member in a group, a leader, or on her own. A mother will be defined as a woman who either gives birth to and participates in the raising of children OR a woman who adopts (de facto or literally) a child and participates in their raising. They must actually be heroines while being mothers. It doesn’t count if she was a heroine in her younger days, and then stopped being one when she got pregnant and had kids. It also doesn’t count if she wallows in despair because she lost manly man, gives birth, and then decides to die (I’m looking at you, Padme Amidala). Here’s my list: #5 — Sarah Jane Smith (Doctor Who and The Sarah Jane Adventures) Saves the world a bunch of times? Check. Has a genius kid who’s slightly obnoxious, but still lovable? Check. Has a wicked super computer? Check. Is completely and utterly capable of being a badass while handling the responsibilities of being a parent? Check. One of my favorite Sarah Jane moments: reminding Davros in “Journey’s End” with little more than the tone of her voice that she was there in the beginning, on Skaro — sort of like rubbing salt in an open wound. There’s a reason Sarah Jane Smith remains a favorite among Whovians. It’s because she’s awesome. #4 — Dr. Beverly Crusher (Star Trek: The Next Generation) An accomplished doctor on a powerful exploration ship full of menfolk with enormous egos? Yup. But she holds her own, telling her Captain what’s what from time to time and resolving all manner of medical anomalies brought aboard by her intrepid crew. And she has to handle all of that while being the mother of a genius son, Wesley. Imagine trying to do best by your son while in an official “military” post. Now imagine trying to handle being separated from your son in an increasingly hostile galaxy. Yet Crusher handles all of that with extraordinary strength. #3 — Sharon “Athena” Agathon (Battlestar Galactica) Not many mothers have to survive the disgusting levels of violence thrown at Sharon Agathon. Being a cylon, she’s hated by what’s left of the human race, because her people nearly wiped humanity out. She’s hated so much that she’s kept in a prison for most of her life — where she is beaten and almost raped — and has her half-human/half-cylon baby stolen away from her (supposedly “dead”) by people who think Hera (the baby) will destroy the ragtag fleet of leftover human ships. But she perseveres, fighting with all her might to save her daughter and her family. She’s a lot like… #2 — Sarah Connor (The Terminator Series) What list of SF moms would leave out Sarah Connor? With two enormous weights on her shoulders — the looming threat of the sentient robot apocalypse and the responsibility of raising the savior of mankind — she’s the kind of mother we all can respect. Sure, she’s not perfect — after all, she’s sort of mental and homicidal — but so is everyone else. Without her strength and determination, John Connor wouldn’t exist and humanity would be screwed. #1 — Ellen Ripley (The Aliens Series) She may not be a “traditional” mom, but she does essentially become a surrogate in Aliens and then a much more creepy mother in Alien Resurrection. But we’ll focus on Aliens, where Newt Gingrich’s future cousin, who is also named after an amphibian, is taken under the wing by one of the greatest would-be-mothers in the science fiction universe. And what happens when the greatest female heroine in science fiction becomes a surrogate mother? This: I rest my case. Who would you add to this list and why? ——————————————- Runner up: My mom. She may not be a space ninja or whatever, but she does live in an alternate reality in her head. Plus, she’s my mom and had to deal with me through my teen years. Somehow she survived. Kudos to her. And happy Mother’s Day.
What I Did With Myself When I Saw the Avengers
Someone gave me a 24-hour challenge to create a costume for the 7:50 PM screening of Avengers tonight. I did not disappoint. To all those who stared at me like I was a freak: look at my fist. That is the size of the stick you’ve got jammed up your ass. Retract it before you cause permanent damage. That is all. P.S.: Expect a video in the next few days. No, I will not tell you anything about it.
Hello Readers (from places other than the U.S. and U.K.)
Once in a while, I check my audience statistics to see where people who read this blog are from. The usual four are always high on the list (U.S., U.K., Canada, and Germany), but sometimes there are a few new additions that make me giddy. Don’t get me wrong: I love all you Americans, Brits, Canadians and Germans! You’re truly wonderful and I thank you for reading. But sometimes it’s wonderful to see people from elsewhere reading this weird project of mine. With that in mind, I would like to say a hearty American hello to all the readers from the following countries: The Netherlands Brazil Russia Australia India France The Philippines Hong Kong Thailand Hello! Feel free to come out of the shadows and introduce yourselves!