Kali Finn, The Kondo Assassin (1956-???)

Born in the Australian bush sometime in January 1956, Kali “The Kondo Assassin” Finn became infamous for the use of her extraordinary organization skills to assassinate high-profile targets. Believed by Australian locals to have been raised by kangaroos, little is known about Finn's upbringing and youth except that she was approached by the 3M Cartel and transported to the United States in a shipping crate. There, she was intercepted by CIA and taken to a black site, where she received an education from the University of Tennessee's secretive Haymark Program. By age 22, she acquired three PhDs in English, Business Management, and Nuclear Physics and was immediately accepted into the CIA training program.

From 1960-1967, Finn worked in Berlin as a spy. She developed an uncanny ability to identify Soviet agents using her wits and six white boards. In 1965, for example, she successfully uncovered the notorious records thief Sergey Molodov by merely analyzing his coffee receipts. Finn used similar tactics to uncover Alan Trench (a.k.a. Yuri Andreyev) and Червь (“The Worm”; a.k.a. Ekaterina Garin). Following these feats, the CIA convinced Finn to join Silent Night, a covert assassination program. From 1967-1970, she trained at a CIA black site in eastern Ontario before being sent to eastern Europe for her first mission.

It is unclear how many missions Finn completed while working for Silent Night, as most records of these events remain classified and the U.S. government continues to deny their existence. However, we do know that Finn was the primary agent at the Warsaw Twelve mass assassination plot on October 12, 1979, in which U.S. agents foiled an attempt by the Soviet government to bomb a diplomatic meeting in Poland. Finn alone took down five Soviet agents using little more than a clipboard and three reams of tape. Afterwards, three white boards were identified by a Polish news reporter, who took photos and published them the following day; the boards showed an elaborate but deeply organized collage of data linking six Polish officials, two U.S. Senators, and a dozen European, Soviet, and American companies in a global plot to control the human population using biological agents. This became known as the Exegesis Conspiracy; it is believed that the major players in the plot were either assassinated by Finn or imprisoned.

Following the collapse of the Berlin Wall, Finn formally retired from the CIA and opened a professional organizing firm called Peace of Mind in Ann Arbor, Michigan. She operated the business for a sizable profit from 1990-2015. In July 2015, her true identity was discovered by former KGB agents working to undermine the U.S. maple industry; the Peace of Mind offices were destroyed in an “unfortunate gas leak accident.” News reports claim that Finn died in the fire, but recent deaths in Moscow featuring miniature white boards as a calling card have brought those claims under question.