November 2007

World in the Satin Bag

More Reasons Why I Hate J. K. Rowling!

(This is an old post that I accidentally made a draft when I was editing it.  Sorry if it shows up in your RSS feed again!  The comments are amusing, though.  It should also be noted that the book discussed below was eventually released as a proper publication.) You’d think it would be incredibly hard to do, but J. K. Rowling has once again pissed me off by doing something that no respectable writer would do in her position. You can find the story here. The short version is that Rowling is going to publish seven copies of a new book called The Tales of Beedle the Bard. Yes, only seven. We’ll get back to that in a minute. Six copies are going to her friends and family, and the last copy is going to be put up for auction for charity–the bid starts at $62,000. Okay, now the only good side to this is that she’s raising money for kids. Here is my problem. You are the richest damn person in England and practically the richest woman in the whole freaking world. So, instead of saying “thank you fans for making me filthy stinking rich” you’re going to take a nice dump right in the face of everyone that supported you by not making this book accessible to everyone. Gee, thanks Rowling. I appreciate it. I mean, goodness, I spend over $200 of my hard earned money buying your books, reading them, and then spending another $300 going to the movies and buying them on DVD. But, your reward to me as your fan is to slap me in the face and make what could be a very interesting reading experience impossible. Now hold on before you think I’m a horrible grumpy man ignoring that she’s donating to charity. Take this into account. What if Rowling had simply gone to her publisher, who presumably wouldn’t think twice about this, and said “I’d like to publish this book from the HP series, but I don’t want any royalties. All royalties should go to such-and-such charity”? Think about that. The publisher gets its profit and that little charity gets millions of dollars to help kids in Europe. The seventh HP book sold millions of copies. We can assume that a couple million would be sold of this other book. If 1$ from every purchase goes to unfortunate kids, that’s easily a million dollars, if not more. If she donated her advance too, which would probably be considerable anyway, just imagine? So not only is she spitting in the face of her fans, she’s also spitting in the face of all those unfortunate kids in Europe by telling them “well, I don’t care enough about you to actually do something that could bring you considerable money”. So, Rowling has spit in the face of gay people, spit in the face of fans (twice), and now spit in the face of unfortunate European children. Congrats Rowling, you earn the Worst Person of the Month Award. Keep it up and you might get Worst Person of the Year.

World in the Satin Bag

Realistic Fantasy Required!

I believe that of all writers, fantasy writers have the hardest job. This is of course excluding textbook writers. I also will not address young adult fiction here because I believe that young adult fantasy is an entirely different genre from regular fantasy simply because the rules on what works are tremendously different. Children and young adults are more likely to believe in things that would otherwise cause suspicion in adults. This is why children enjoy fairy tales and believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the like. They don’t question the reality of these things because, generally, children have no interest to. They live almost in a fantasy world of their own so long as they remain children. Adults, however, have seemingly lost their innocence and become aware of the world around them. For that reason, we generally don’t find the same enjoyment on a literary level of fairy tales and the like. We don’t believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny, or gnomes, elves, or the bogeyman. That’s simply part of becoming an adult. As such, I won’t address young adult fantasy in any way during this post because it is an entirely different beast.Fantasy is, to put it frankly, one of the most fascinating, and most difficult genres at the same time. On the one hand there is a tendency for it to be highly derivative. In fact, the entire genre is derivative, and not just because of Tolkien. Tolkien himself was not an entirely original writer. His world was a product of his education. Fantasy writers, therefore, have been using mythology and history to write some of the fantastic stories we all have come to love and enjoy. On the other hand, however, fantasy also has the tendency to push the boundaries of reality, which can, and is, a problem.Fantasy must, as a rule, be more realistic and believable than any regular fiction story or a science fiction story, barring once again historical texts and the like which are, hopefully, real anyway. This is true because, while fantasy is filled with magic, kingdoms, prophecies, kings, soldiers, and a million other commonly ‘medieval’ ideas, it must present these ideas so that the reader can accept them as being realistic in the context of the world presented. While Tolkien may be a poor example in this post, he is, interestingly enough, the most recognized example. When you read Tolkien you are not suddenly encumbered with magic toting wizards that seemingly throw magic around the same as a non-environmentally conscious human being tosses trash on the side of the highway. Gandalf and Saruman both are powerful wizards, yet their magic is used sparingly. We’re led to believe, then, that magic is not something available in vast, unrestrained quantities, and one cannot simply do magic without extensive knowledge, something which both Gandalf and Saruman have plenty of. Perhaps Tolkien is an example of ‘high fantasy’ rather than an example of fantasy in general, but in the case of fantasy that is intentionally serious, it is clear that magic must have a reason to exist and be balanced. Unless your entire world is built on magic, and therefore everyone uses magic, the magic in a fantasy world must be believable. We can’t think that a knight would have any chance alone against a sorcerer with unimaginable power that seems to be endless and easy for the sorcerer to use.Of course, this doesn’t apply to all fantasy. In the case of fantasy that is intentionally humorous, magic may or may not have a need for balance. We might call these types of stories ‘fairy tales’ for adults. An example might be Stardust by Neal Gaimen. For any that have the read the book you’ll have to excuse me. I am basing this on seeing the movie. However, the magic in Stardust, while with limits, is not necessarily balanced in any traditional sense. Presumably, if the witches manage to get hold of a star, they will be granted youth and amazing power, power which seems to be very hard to counteract without other magic involved. But it doesn’t matter. In context of the story, things don’t have to seem entirely real because that’s not what the story needs to exist. Stardust is a love story with a fantasy twist.Magic, therefore, has two purposes–realism and entertainment. Still, since the majority of fantasy happens to be of a serious nature, I will only address magic in context of seriousness. In serious stories, as I’ve mentioned, magic must make sense. It must be real and believable. If every character can summon the almighty evil monster from the depths, then there is almost no purpose for magic to exist. Magic must have a reason to exist, otherwise it becomes like technologies that we no longer find of use today. We all rarely, if ever, use typewriters since our computers now can do the same thing, but with more functionality.Now that magic seems to have been address, I’ll have to divert my attention elsewhere. Another feature of fantasy that must be taken seriously is race creation. This refers to any sort of creatures you might create, or have been created previously. We have all heard of elves, dwarves, and the myriad of other fantasy races that have already been done before. For that reason, I see no reason to address them since it is apparent that they are all relatively accepted as believable creations anyway. However, I will address creature creation in general. Because a fantasy story deals exclusively with things that do not exist in our world, and couldn’t exist in our world–which takes care of science fiction being included here–it is apparent that whatever you or someone else creates must have a purpose, much as magic has a purpose. If you create a creature that has an arm come out of its head, that arm better have a reason to exist. It would be unbelievable to have such a creature, which we will call

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