February 2011

The short version of my thoughts would be “grave disappointment, with a side of expected.”  I knew before turning the show on that the Academy’s bias against innovative filmmaking would persist.  Even the inclusion of special awards for animated pictures only highlights the fact that the Academy is completely unwilling to consider great works of animation as actual movies.  There were, of course, a handful of moments where justice was served, but in the end all I could think was:  “well, I saw that coming.” Now on to the individual awards: Art Direction Went to:  Alice in Wonderland Should have gone to:  Inception Why:  Because Tim Burton’s film is the same oversaturated crap he’s been producing for a decade.  Inception at least attempted to merge the mundane with something seemingly new.  That may not be a good argument for Inception, but that still doesn’t change the fact that Alice in Wonderland was little more than a rehash of a familiar form with massive oversaturation of color and a complete lack of originality. Cinematography Went to:  Inception Should have gone to:  Inception Why:  Because the film was bloody beautiful and the things they filmed were so technically amazing as to blow everyone else out of the water.  You can probably detect a hint of a bias at this point… Best Supporting Actress Went to:  Melissa Leo (The Fighter) Should have gone to:  Anyone else. Why:  I really can’t stand poor use of accents in acting. Best Animated Short Went to:  “The Lost Thing” by Shaun Tan and Andrew Ruhemann Should have gone to:  “The Lost Thing” Why:  I have no reason.  It’s just nice to see one of our own get some recognition by the “big boys.” Best Animated Feature Went to:  Toy Story 3 Should have gone to:  How to Train Your Dragon Why:  Honestly, I think it is a close match, but I prefer the latter simply because I thought the story was heart warming.  I like me a feel good movie sometimes. Best Adapted Screenplay Went to:  The Social Network by Aaron Sorkin Should have gone to:  The Social Network Why:  It’s poignant.  That’s pretty much all I’ve got for this category. Best Original Screenplay Went to:  The King’s Speech by David Seidler Should have gone to:  Inception by Christopher Nolan Why:  Inception is actually an original screenplay.  The King’s Speech isn’t.  It’s about people that actually existed.  It’s about real events.  It’s an adaptation of history books.  Inception, however, is not rooted in an actual historical figure, but in mythologies and ideas.  The screenplay, as a result, is powerful, well-written, and stunning.  Hollywood rarely sees such quality.  They seem to like celebrating mediocrity, like The Hurt Locker from last year, which was hardly a decent film at all. Best Supporting Actor Went to:  Christian Bale (The Fighter) Should have gone to:  Jeremy Renner (The Town) Why:  I think Bale is massively overrated, and I don’t think Renner gets the credit he damn well deserves, particularly for The Town.  The Hurt Locker may have been a shitty movie, but Renner really did carry it. Best Original Score Went to:  Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for The Social Network Should have gone to:  Hans Zimmer for Inception Why:  The music for Inception is bloody brilliant.  It’s as perfect a compliment to the film as any music ever has been.  It’s so interwoven into the film that you can’t ignore it as a intimate part of it.  So screw the Academy on this one.  Hans Zimmer totally got screwed. Best Sound Mixing Went to:  Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo, and Ed Novick for Inception Should have gone to:  Inception Why:  The film sounds wonderful.  Have you seen it?  No?  What’s wrong with you? Best Sound Editing Went to:  Richard King for Inception Should have gone to:  Inception Why:  The same as above. Best Makeup Went to:  Rick Baker and Dave Elsey for The Wolfman Should have gone to:  The Wolfman Why:  The film has some pretty makeup.  That about sums it up. Best Costume Design Went to:  Colleen Atwood for Alice in Wonderland Should have gone to:  Alice in Wonderland Why:  Pretty much all of the other options didn’t really offer anything worth recognizing, since they were just reproducing things we’ve already seen (The King’s Speech and True Grit).  I’ve never been one to appreciate costume design when it’s only showing me things that already existed.  I like originality, which is why I think the award was well placed, even if the film was an awful pile of crap. Best Short Documentary Went to:  “Strangers No More” Should have gone to:  No idea. Why:  I’m not familiar with most of these films, but they all seemed like really important flicks to see (which I’m now going to do). Best Short Film Went to:  “God of Love” Should have gone to:  No idea. Why:  The same as above.  The guy who won is a little goofy, though. Best Documentary Feature Went to:  Inside Job Should have gone to:  Inside Job Why:  Anything that points out who was responsible for screwing over the country deserves recognition in my book.  Wall Street can go to hell as far as I’m concerned. Best Visual Effects Went to:  Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley and Peter Bebb for Inception Should have gone to:  Inception Why:  Have you seen it?  It’s visually gorgeous, man!  The other nominees were decent, but most were a little lackluster (like Harry Potter). Best Film Editing Went to:  The Social Network Should have went to:  Black Swan or 127 Hours. Why:  Honestly, I don’t really care about this category. Best Original Song Went to:  “We Belong Together” by Randy Newman (Toy Story 3) Should have gone to:  Something someone sang in the gutter somewhere. Why:  Randy Newman is to song making what arsenic is to healthy food.  He’s awful and his latest song is nothing more than moving lyrics around.  It’s awful.  Just awful.  Please, Mr. Newman, go away. Best Director Went to:

Things I do when I get bored: Play stupid flash games on the Interwebs Argue with people about literary conventions and subgenres, like New Weird or Scifi Strange Invent languages on the spot. Thus comes Dastroyanish, a new fantasy language with a current vocabulary of about fifteen words.  The funny thing about the language is how it all started:  I misspelled a word in another language and decided to roll with it.  The word?  Hola.  Thus comes “hoal,” which obviously means “hello” in Dastroyanish.  There is also “anto,” which means, more or less, goodbye. Other phrases: Nan. Van er teuopo. (No. Not a typo.) Puesa er verd da “Hello” is-Dastroyanish. (It is a word for “Hello” in Dastroyanish.) Puesa er langor ist minen mun-fantika. (It is a language for my fantasy world.) Denen eser urprisen. (Don’t be surprised.) Ot: Puesa er langor nomen “Dastroyanish.” (Or: it is a language named Dastroyanish.) Anto, Bilbo. (Goodbye, Bilbo.) Puesare er masr-corios, ect Bilbo. (He is a curious man, that Bilbo.) Dormis-varm. (Sleep well?) Whether I keep up with it is up to speculation at this point. Thus far, I’m having fun. Now the big question is this:  have you ever invented a language under unusual circumstances or conditions?  Let me know in the comments! The other big question:  where the heck does Dastroyanish come from?  I have no idea.