October 2008

World in the Satin Bag

Top Ten Worst Science Fiction Shows

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So, I’ve done a “best” and “overrated” list, so why not a “worst” list? I’ll be overly opinionated and base many of those opinions on limited exposure. So if you want to point out things like “well, maybe you should watch more of a show before you damn it” or “you don’t know what you’re talking about, XXX show is absolutely super duper awesome” you can hold your breath. If you want to launch a valid, well-thought argument against my choices, please do. I’m curious what people think so long as their opinions are not based on zealot-ish loyalty to a show. Here goes: Stargate AtlantisSorry, this show is absolute crap. That’s why it’s being cancelled. It blows, especially that really annoying guy who sounds like a weasel. Sorry, but Stargate had its run and it ended with SG1. Get over it. (I’ve seen an episode of this show and it was so terrible I tuned out) LostGilligan’s Island without the jokes. No thank you. I’d rather laugh than have to consider how stupid Lost is. Not to mention that any TV show that is so complex that you can’t jump in late and at least make some sort of sense of things really doesn’t deserve to be on a network station. Put it on HBO or something. Leave network TV to shows that matter. HeroesThis is the retarded version of X-men…you have Wolverine without claws, and now apparently there’s a guy that’s exactly like Magneto, only nowhere near as cool. So, instead of doing something really cool with the whole mutant thing, this show just showed us what it’s like to be the retarded cousin of the X-men and all their Marvel buddies. Oh, and there’s time travel and samurai swords, which might be the only redeeming things about this show. In fact, I think the whole show should just be about that Japanese guy. Oh and there are too many damned characters in this show for me to give a crap about (and that’s in the first season, when I stopped watching). BSG at least was intelligent enough to spread their character development accordingly. Mystery Science TheaterI already hate it when people talk, or even whisper, when they’re in the cinema, so why would I watch a show with puppets talking over a movie? I’ve seen it and it’s stupid. And I blame this show for creating a generation of assholes who talk in movie theaters…no, the rest of us don’t think your silly joke about Jessica Simpson’s breast size is funny…not even a little. Okay, maybe we think it is funny, but the fact that we’re pissed off that you’re even talking overrides that. Besides, this is sort of like Beavis & Butthead, only not nearly as funny. Knight Rider (the new one)Hollywood is retarded. Not only are they incapable, more often than not, of being remotely original, but they are also completely inadequate about doing something new and interesting with old concepts. The exception is Battlestar Galactica, which took a rather ridiculous show that was basically cheese in television form and revitalized it into one of the best shows ever made.Knight Rider, however, is an example of when Hollywood does wrong. The premiere gave us the old Knight Rider, as I remember it, with all the cheesiness that that entails, and tried to make it seem new with a flashy new KITT, a more modern setting, etc. And it failed. Instead, we were left with a show that seemed like it was going nowhere. Add to it that the Hoff has announced his refusal to have a cameo appearance and you know this show is doomed. I mean, come on, the Hoff won’t even be in it? The guy who made Baywatch, the sleaziest show to ever grace television won’t do this show and there are still people who think it will succeed? Right.. Star Trek DS9Okay, so it’s supposed to be Star Trek, but divergent from the standard by being about a bunch of people living on a space station in the middle of nowhere. The cast includes an anally retentive freakish man-thing that supposedly can change shape, a sleazy and cliche guy with enormous ears and bad teeth, and a handful of other characters that all fit into some sort of stereotype. Then you throw in that the show is mostly about…okay I have no idea what the show is about. It’s not that DS9 is a bad idea–in fact I would argue that it is a good idea, since it’s something that isn’t often done as far as science fiction ins concerned–it’s that it’s a Star Trek show. I know there were cool space battles here and there during DS9’s run, but I never saw it, and in all honesty they could have done so much with the concept. Maybe I’m wrong on this one, but I just couldn’t stand DS9. It put me to sleep and I think half of that was because I expected it to be like the other Star Trek stuff, or at least similar, but it wasn’t. AliasJennifer Garner’s Neanderthal forehead. I rest my case. Bionic Woman (new one)Okay, I tried to watch this one. It had its moments, but between it failing to do what BSG did successfully (re-imagining an older concept) and the rather obvious non-American-ness of the star (her accent came through in her acting is what I mean here) this show just sucked. Let’s also talk about the fact that the main character, who is supposed to be forced into working for this organization/government/whatever miraculously can slip away to meet people that probably think she’s dead, or should think she’s dead or missing, or whatever. Meh. Total Recall 2070It’s not that this show is necessarily horrible in the same way as others on this list. It’s visually a well done show and it certainly has a good concept. The problem is it just doesn’t do anything with those concepts. It’s an intentionally boring

World in the Satin Bag

What’s This About Indie Bookstores?

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Indie bookstores suck. There. I’ve said it. But before you kill me or send me hate mail or flame the comments section with angry retorts about why indie bookstores are so much better than Borders, let me explain why I say that such stores suck. First, let’s look at why it is that people go to Borders or B&N or one of the other big book chains out there. Contrary to what is being said about Borders (it being the evil bookstore because it doesn’t stock every book and some authors aren’t being carried anymore), each Borders store (with exception, perhaps, to the mall stores) carries quite a huge selection of titles. Every Borders I have been to, and I have been to many, has had a rather large SF/F section, with mass markets taking up about 3/4ths of the overall SF/F stock, and trade/hardcovers taking the last 1/4th. I haven’t counted how many different SF/F books are in the Borders in downtown Santa Cruz, but if I were to guess I’d have to say somewhere between 500 and 1,000. That’s “different” books, not repeats or extra copies or reprints. I know, that’s just a fraction of the SF/F books that are printed every year, and obviously some of the books Borders carries, or at least still has, are either popular titles or leftovers from the last year that they decided to hang on to until they sold. Borders also lets you order books that they don’t have, both new and used, and doesn’t charge you for shipping (indie stores generally don’t charge shipping either). What makes Borders one of the best places to shop for new books is the fact that it has such a huge selection. Of course there are authors who don’t end up on their shelves, but what’s to stop you from going up to the counter and saying “I would like to order such and such book” if you’re so upset about your favorite author not being on the shelf? In fact, I’d place some of the blame on you, the buyer, for not taking an active stance of support for your favorite authors; you could easily make Borders think twice about what it carries if you, the fan, were to buy those books there, even by ordering, and get other people to do the same. But, that’s really not what this post is about. What this post is about is why indie bookstores are not the greatest stores ever. In fact, I would argue that the vast majority of indie bookstores actually suck. For this argument I’m going to intentionally avoid all such stores that are primarily used bookstores, because they really occupy a different category from everything else due to the fact that they don’t, as a rule, carry newer books and thus take profit from reselling older titles or collectible books, which have absolutely no direct influence on sales for the author (one could probably argue that the used bookstore shopper might randomly decide to buy an author’s older work, like it, and thus move on to the author’s newer work, but that would be hard to prove, now wouldn’t it?). So, I’m focusing on indie stores that have a significant portion of their sales, or at least a significant portion of their stock, be from newer titles. Maybe things are different on the east coast. Maybe over there every town has a brilliant, perfect indie bookstore with all the books you could ever want, with excellent service, etc. But here on the west coast, indie bookstores are generally rather pathetic. There are a handful of exceptional stores that I know of (Powell’s City of Books in Portland–one of the best bookstores I have ever been to, by the way, with rather knowledgeable staff members–Borderlands in San Francisco–also one of the best, and focused on SF/F–and Mysterious Galaxies in LA–which I have never been to, but am told is quite good and is well known for author talks; I might also add Bookshop Santa Cruz, which is downtown and has a reasonable stock and is actually rather decent). The thing is, those large (or SF/F specialized) stores are rather rare out here. Every town you go to will not have a Powell’s or a Borderlands. Some towns with some history may have a Book Shop Santa Cruz. But almost every town that has indie bookstores will have those stores that nobody shops at, and depending on the size of the town they may have many of these kinds of stores. What makes these stores suck? First, selection. I know I talked about Borders not having every book, but when you go into an indie store, most of them will likely carry all the bestsellers, past and present, and a minuscule medley of other titles. They barely succeed in outdoing the grocery store and are far less convenient since you have to specifically go to these stores to buy books rather than going to the grocery store to do two things at once. Second, those stores that try to be a little more “fun” also tend to be “niche” stores. While it’s perfectly fine to be a niche store–such as the bookstore in Placerville, California that carries an assortment of things like screenplays and humorous Buddy Jesus action figures (it’s not a religious store, they’re meant to be funny in the Kevin Smith vein)–such stores lack the ability to appeal to a wider audience. Borders has huge sections of books on all sorts of subjects, offering shoppers of various interests to browse for a good amount of time. So, while you might think that the cool Buddy Jesus bookstore downtown is the greatest thing ever, someone else might not and likely won’t shop there because of that. This is an argument against Borderlands and Mysterious Galaxies too, although both those stores happen to be niche only because they focus on specific genres and not because they aim for a certain type of

World in the Satin Bag

Genetics Rules

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For those that are interested, the BBC just announced that Australian scientists have discovered a gene link for transsexuality. There you go. Now they just need to find the genetic link for homosexuality and we’re in business. (Don’t click the read more, there isn’t any more after this!)

World in the Satin Bag

Graphic Novels and Novels Are Not the Same

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I’m sorry to say it, but even though it hurts that a book that deserves to be on a bestseller list doesn’t get there, if it doesn’t belong in the same category as the other books on that list, then it shouldn’t belong on that list at all. Over at Suvudu this was a point of concern in regards to the hardcover collection of the first four graphic novel/comic issues of Jim Butcher’s Harry Dresden series. The problem? Well, while it sucks that the hardcover collection wasn’t allowed onto the list, I understand why. Graphic novels are not the same as traditional novels. They’re visual and while there tend to be very in-depth and fascinating stories behind those visuals, they simply are not the same as traditional novels precisely because they do not rely entirely upon the writer’s words in order to succeed in forming an image in the reader’s mind. Traditional novels only have words to work with. To try to compare a graphic novel to a traditional novel would be like trying to compare flying in an airplane to riding on a bus. As such, you can’t really put the two on the same list. It wouldn’t be an adequate assessment of the material.That being said, it’s entirely reasonable to desire a graphic novel/comic category for the bestseller list. This might take time, but I would think that such a category would be a good thing. I happen to like graphic novels (and comics, although I’m more favorable towards the former), but I do understand the reason why they don’t end up on the New York Times Bestseller List along with traditional novels. It’s sort of common sense, you know?

World in the Satin Bag

Inside the Blogosphere: Question #9 (I’m in it!)

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The next “Inside the Blogosphere” question is up. This time it was about what makes a good battle scene exiting to read and what makes it drag or detract from the narrative. I’m curious what you all think about this. What makes a good battle scene exciting to read and what makes it drag the narrative? (Don’t click the read more, there isn’t any more after this!)

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